Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

@aradinfinity the people i have commissioned have made him into a force of absolute power. trashy DILF power.

they made darth vader top DILF.

i could not be more proud of my hideous trash son

for context, this is actually a commission showing a specific moment i've written (! one of the very fuckin few)

his other arm is currently in a sling because it got a bit stuck in wreckage and so he just went "well, yolo lol" and chopped it off to rewire back in later. he did duct tape it to himself though because carrying your own arm was a bit suspicious so it's uhh "broken"

also someone's just punched him for cheating at cards

hence look of "oh you just fucked up."

Commence Bar Fight.

to confirm how fully i'm on my bullshit again, it is time for another commission from my pile of commissions i've gotten of my awful au darth vader from my pet fanfiction

this one, by tankens.tumblr.com gets a cw for eye contact of the "oh you just fucked up" variety AND for blood! IT IS VERY GOOD.

then of course to complete the stealing the vibe, we see how many people have discovered things about themselves as soon as he delivers the I'LL GRIND YOU UNDER MY HEEL! line, and suddenly there's even more people who consider my horrible au vader a dilf.

i mean it's not my fault he comes out looking so good in commissions ok?????? (maybe slightly my fault) (shh)

LIKE THE DIALOG. THE DIALOG WORKS SO WELL WITH EXTREMELY MINIMAL CHANGES Y'ALL.

just make moon bunny become hell wolf for more appropriate symbolism, do a cover of Wayward Daughter https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMv9uiQsXvg with the male/female choruses swapping parts, maybe kick in a little electric guitar to make it appropriately edgelord, find someone who can growl out an appropriate FROM MORTAL HUSK, I RISE AAANNEEEWWWW https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XzV8X31j9o and bip bop bam there it is

and instead of gosetsu, it is luke.

of course it is luke.

taking the blow for him, even as the emperor seeks to destroy him.

"stay behind me, father!"

"why?" he half-begs, half-wonders. "you have no place here!" this is meant to be a self-inflicted punishment, if his power only comes from his own suffering -

and the spectre of luke begs him to survive.

"perhaps," vader says,

"but it is too late for me. there can be no redemption."

and the spectre of obi-wan comes - "fight like your life depends on it, dear brother. you wouldn't like to disappoint me again, as on mustafar..."

"if it isn't the cold-blooded little worm. always crawling through my rotten heart."

and finally, of course

the emperor himself, instead of zenos

"your pitiful fortunes can bring you no lower, darth vader..."

"you have come to deliver judgment for my failure? cut me down, then! surely it is a simple task!"

"come forth, shades of the dead! curse my name! strike my body! fill my soul with blackest malice!"

and now come the spectres of the council -

"worthless excuse of a jedi! you're nothing but trouble!" "a font of misery, that's what you are!"

"yes, the dearest jedi order. i was the bane of your existence unto the very end!"

and now come the spectres "of the republic" and "of the empire" - both howling in accusation of vader's failure to command them

even almost all the lines of dialog work too!!!!

"why does it fade away?! ...ah. i understand. it feeds on my hate, on my suffering..." SURE SOUNDS LIKE AN EX-SITH-LORD FALLING OFF THE DARK SIDE TEETOTALERS BANDWAGON AND DISCOVERING IT ALL AGAIN. it works perfectly for someone who has tried so hard to be in the light for so long but is remembering the easy, quick destructive power of the dark side

so ffxiv is the first game that really did boss battles with extreme pomp and circumstance that i've ever played

so of course one of the entertaining-questions-to-ask-myself has been "if this character i wrote had a boss battle like an ffxiv primal, what would it look like? how would their story get told this way?"

i had easy answers for most except my pet-au-version of darth vader

then

the tsukuyomi fight dropped

and i was just like "oh. yeah ok it's that but masc" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njYgggITz2g

@Leucrotta trouble with tribbles, hands-down.

because tribbles.

somewhat ironically, someone not immediately stepping down in such a situation shows that they very much need to do so; a person who understands what they have done wrong and wishes for it to not happen again will immediately ensure that they do everything they can so the situation will not occur once more.

an apology standing as incomplete as that - and being glossed over - shows that it's not really much of an apology.

an apology wherein someone acknowledges they sexually harassed someone, and that their status as moderator gave them the power to do so - or at least a big incentive for people to keep quiet about it and not challenge it - is incomplete unless it includes no longer having that power over other people, at least until they can show they have learned and changed.

@InspectorCaracal i think it's more in the constellation of "stereotypical black drinks", eventually on up to "purple drank" - a bit of the 'fried chicken and watermelon' vein of thing?

i'll be honest i'm not sure of the exact particulars but this is mostly because i'm really blithely stupid about stereotypes at the best of times

@zensaiyuki ah there we go, jonestown

i don't know me cults very well

(probably kind of a good thing in the end)

@InspectorCaracal there is definitely a koolaid racist thing going on as well so i don't know if they've intersected now or not? it could very well be racist as well somehow i don't know yet

wait hold on i thought "drank the kool-aid" is in poor taste because it's referencing the Heaven's Gate cult and their ritual mass suicide via poisoned beverages, how is it racist

thing i'm quite pleased about:

the last time i charged my cyborg bits was the day before my surgery (which was the 6th). it's only today that it's yelled at me to charge it again!

so hey, aug 5 - aug 22 on one charge, i'm getting pretty good battery life three years or so out!

is it a good joke?

no absolutely not it's been done into the ground

but y'know sometimes it's just so tempting when they line it all up for you THAT good yknow

apparently people on twitter are debating that a smash brothers tourney is going to have a therapy dog room and i am so, so tempted to rip in there and poke at the salty mcwhiners with "oh i see, it's because they figured a slobbery, affectionate dog grooming you was an upgrade from your usual 'didn't shower for seven weeks', i can see why you may be upset with this outcome" but i'm not gonna i'm gonna just tell the tired old joke here instead