My mum met with people from the horrible place I was working at for 4 years, and told me that they said they missed me.

it's so hard for me to reconcile the pain and suffering they caused me with the surface level positive relationships I had with everyone there

i hate how I can be feeling great, and then I'm reminded that I'm still stuck and still attached to these people who'd destroy me if they realised I was trans.

that despite wanting to present more effeminately for 8 fucking years I'm still trapped in a situation where doing so is going to cause huge huge problems.

I feel like it's too late...
that even though I'm finally safe enough to be out to my irl friends, I might not ever be able to transition or w/e because I got trapped in this homophobic/transphobic job for 4 years

I'm crying rn...