Ren - Moved to chitter.xyz @Nine@computerfairi.es

@joshua ...okay wow that's way more in depth than I could possibly process myself XD good job tho!

@joshua I had a megadrive but yeah. god. the faint silicon smell.

@noiob Also that hyperloop test was apparently only 100mph. not the frankly ridiculous 670mph they're advertising, which I have... doubts about honestly.

Also fucksake, Japan was like "Yo we can like, build you a proper bullet train, that goes wicked sick fast and shit, fraction of the cost, you want?" and the US, of course, was like "NO WE ONLY WANT US STUFF THANK YOU WE CAN DO IT BETTER", so Japan was like "sure whatev bro, can't wait to see how you fuck this up, lol."

lo and behold.

@joshua wait... cartridges have a smell?... *thinks back*... oh shit they do don't they???

Steam please stop opening on my first monitor isntead of my second monitor that's very rude of you

@heatherhorns Oh it was always there, I was just utterly unaware of it the whole time because of a lot of internalised transphobia and christian upbringing from my past, so... ugh.

Like I said, I was kinda a mess for the LONGEST time. My current identity/sona is literally me, in the truest sense. Physically not that different either, just smoller. :3 (and I have longer hair lol)

@heatherhorns I eventually left that chat site, due to...

shall we say, PERSONAL differences between the moderatorship... aaaand the general populace there... c_c;

Glad I did though, they were... not safe to be around. I cut contact with EVERYONE there, just... BAM, blocked the lot of them, unfriended, just... fuckin GONE. Caused a bit of a shitstorm at the time but I've no regrets now. THIS time tho, I kept my sona. <3

@heatherhorns Suddenly, Nine came flooding back to me. I went "screw it, why not? It's different", and tried that sona on and for the first time ever, it was not like putting ON a suit and mask, but like finally taking a really bad fitting, heavy suit and helmet off, and just... tossing them aside.

For the first time ever, i felt... like myself. It was weird to think about. I didn't mention it to anybody there (and I'm glad I didn't really), but... it felt good.

@heatherhorns As a result, "Nine" got abandoned. :/ I forgot about them for ages until a new RP chat opened up, splintering off the one I frequented. I'd joined it because a bunch of others from that site wanted to make a place they could roleplay without anybody else interfering, and kinda... felt like I needed a new start. I was starting to come to terms with the fact I wasn't cis too.

@heatherhorns I squeaked quite by instinct when responding to someone in surprise, and then was like "...wait... what kinda thing squeaks?". One of the suggestions someone made was 'what about a skunk?'. That immediately jumped out at me, but I had no idea why.

Gender never got settled. I could never think of one, and the idea of a formless blob of goop that eventually coalesced into a skunk-shaped like entity sorta... grew on me. But... I ended up leaving SPR.

@heatherhorns I literally made a blank slate. I picked the name "Nine" I think because making a guest character calls you "Guest X" with X being a number, if memory serves. and after several times logging on like that I got "Guest 9", and Nine sounded nice, so it stuck. I made a character with the name Nine instead of logging in as a guest. Still blank tho. But over the next few days, various things just... settled in.

@heatherhorns This...actually caused me a fair bit of distress at the time but I was a mess anyway so I never twigged.
SOMEWHERE along the line however, my current, real sona was birthed, quite by accident.
I used to frequent a furry MU* called SPR. At one point, at the most desperate point of that identity crisis I was unknowingly going through, I made a NEW character, and... couldn't think of anything for them to be.

@heatherhorns SO. this continued for many years. I would rapidly make changes, alterations, attempts at making them into a character in their own right, always sticking with a kitsune/fox theme, because even though I didn't realise it at all at the time, NOTHING fit. It wasn't my sona, it wasn't ME, no matter how much I tried to MAKE it fit. So the sona went through so many changes and interations.

@heatherhorns here's like... a couple of designs that I went through. The one on the left was... more recent? Yeah more recent. The one on the right I actually did lineart for tho.

also i thought i was a boy.

@heatherhorns I have... I think, multiple arts that I collected from people who just did free art for me for... no reason other than I guess we were friends at the time, guh. I don't like showing it off because I p. much begged it from them and they deserve some recompense but I've lost contact with all of them probably because I was kinda a shitty dipshit at the time.

I DID draw a couple myself tho. Thhose I CAN share.