Tarale @Tarale@computerfairi.es

Actually I wasn't done. But the edits I made tonight are EXTREMELY minor. I never finished up the lips or the eye properly yesterday. So, pinker lips with a more defined cupid's bow, and bluer eyes. Also more ear fur strands. https://computerfairi.es/media/Quj6krrtRUxXOpTFEOM

And I'm done. I've learned a trick or two over the years.

https://computerfairi.es/media/j7KdWn44W2y2gAS7c4M

More linework and colours done during the baby's morning nap.

https://computerfairi.es/media/0Vy-TdDCaruOjzHke6o

Last update before bed. Tidied up some lines, re-centered it, started work on the border. Time for rest.

Update on the drawing.

Playing around with redrawing a thing I drew a bunch of times (2003, 2005, 2010, now)

Don't know if I'll finish it ever, with the baby and all, but just fucking around.

https://computerfairi.es/media/JoJ2Gngh2jc08bbOoZ4 https://computerfairi.es/media/uTjixxPyejk7NJdOUF8 https://computerfairi.es/media/gLmERoPoiO6pg-B_ejg https://computerfairi.es/media/_WszB0IpGZphXXt1-Q0

House is always mess

All hail Eris

I want it to be the weekend because I get to see my husband but I don't want it to be the weekend because my husband is almost as chaotic as the baby and I wind up having to do more work

My reaction to learning about all of this is basically yelling OH MY GOD SAME

Like, I've known for years that my excessive listmaking was weird, but without it… well, we're back to people being even angrier at me for forgetting stuff.

I'm just so busy getting through each day that I don't remember things. And once I get those reminders I have to plan things and then set even more reminders.

@ghost_bird I've had a bit of a look into that, and I've wondered about it, too.

I've been questioning about autism and ADD/ADHD for a few years now. If I ever do wind up seeing a neuropsychologist, I'll ask about both.

I'm less sure about ADD/ADHD but I admit I've also done less research.

Also this is a disorganised rant and I'm not sure if I had a point here or what my point was but yeah something something EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION

I actually get a lot done, really, but it's not the things other people want me to get done, I guess.

And I get most of it done because I have six hundred different computer systems reminding me to do it. I am particularly fucked if Remember The Milk ever stops being a thing.

It's not like I'm not getting lots done, like I'm sitting around either. It's just that some areas lag and it's those areas people always want to nitpick in.

When I'm working, a lot of home stuff tends to lag. Actually, some home stuff is still lagging now I'm a stay at home mum. And people will bug me about it, about why I'm not renovating or something.

And I just think WOW I'M JUST SO PROUD THAT THE KID IS FED AND THE HOUSE IS (MOSTLY) CLEAN AND THERE'S FOOD ON THE TABLE

I've had intense arguments with all kinds of people in my life where they demand to know why I'm not getting more done.

And I explain that I'm doing my best, but that's not good enough for some people. They have to keep chipping away, trying to find ways I could be doing more. They don't call me lazy now, cause that's rude, but they sure as fuck *imply* it.

And when I write stuff down, to try to remember it, gosh is it ever frowned on.

One of the (many) things I can relate to in all the stuff I'm reading about autism is executive dysfunction.

As a child, I was constantly criticised for forgetting things, for being "lazy", for having trouble starting tasks. I didn't do my homework in high school because I didn't know how to start it most of the time.

The only reason I seem to get anything done NOW is because I've built up a whole system of little routines and habits. But if it's not routine it doesn't get done…

@holyspiritomb Ah, thank you! I've started having a little read, and I think I'll be bookmarking it. 🙂

I am still very unsure about things, and mostly jump wildly between "yes I'm autistic" and "nahhhh".

But wow is this book giving me even more reasons to lie awake at night thinking about all the times I've done the wrong thing socially.

@troubleMoney Yeah, it's complicated by the fact that I'm not working (I'm a stay at home mum with a 9 and a half month old son) so I have no income to pay for it with. And even if I do manage to get the money, then I also need the time/babysitters/etc to work around with the baby… so it's definitely not something I'm doing for a while.

@troubleMoney Hmmmm. I guess one day I'll look into a diagnosis. For now I'm only 18% into the book and I guess I'll see how I feel about things when I finish. Might ask mum some questions when I know what questions might be best to ask. Diagnosis is also expensive so I will probably procrastinate even more.