Tarale @Tarale@computerfairi.es

Update on the drawing.

Playing around with redrawing a thing I drew a bunch of times (2003, 2005, 2010, now)

Don't know if I'll finish it ever, with the baby and all, but just fucking around.

https://computerfairi.es/media/JoJ2Gngh2jc08bbOoZ4 https://computerfairi.es/media/uTjixxPyejk7NJdOUF8 https://computerfairi.es/media/gLmERoPoiO6pg-B_ejg https://computerfairi.es/media/_WszB0IpGZphXXt1-Q0

House is always mess

All hail Eris

I want it to be the weekend because I get to see my husband but I don't want it to be the weekend because my husband is almost as chaotic as the baby and I wind up having to do more work

My reaction to learning about all of this is basically yelling OH MY GOD SAME

Like, I've known for years that my excessive listmaking was weird, but without it… well, we're back to people being even angrier at me for forgetting stuff.

I'm just so busy getting through each day that I don't remember things. And once I get those reminders I have to plan things and then set even more reminders.

Also this is a disorganised rant and I'm not sure if I had a point here or what my point was but yeah something something EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION

I actually get a lot done, really, but it's not the things other people want me to get done, I guess.

And I get most of it done because I have six hundred different computer systems reminding me to do it. I am particularly fucked if Remember The Milk ever stops being a thing.

It's not like I'm not getting lots done, like I'm sitting around either. It's just that some areas lag and it's those areas people always want to nitpick in.

When I'm working, a lot of home stuff tends to lag. Actually, some home stuff is still lagging now I'm a stay at home mum. And people will bug me about it, about why I'm not renovating or something.

And I just think WOW I'M JUST SO PROUD THAT THE KID IS FED AND THE HOUSE IS (MOSTLY) CLEAN AND THERE'S FOOD ON THE TABLE

I've had intense arguments with all kinds of people in my life where they demand to know why I'm not getting more done.

And I explain that I'm doing my best, but that's not good enough for some people. They have to keep chipping away, trying to find ways I could be doing more. They don't call me lazy now, cause that's rude, but they sure as fuck *imply* it.

And when I write stuff down, to try to remember it, gosh is it ever frowned on.

One of the (many) things I can relate to in all the stuff I'm reading about autism is executive dysfunction.

As a child, I was constantly criticised for forgetting things, for being "lazy", for having trouble starting tasks. I didn't do my homework in high school because I didn't know how to start it most of the time.

The only reason I seem to get anything done NOW is because I've built up a whole system of little routines and habits. But if it's not routine it doesn't get done…

And I'm scared to talk about it to anyone besides my husband (who isn't very receptive to the discussion), or on here, because… well… I have a 9 and a half month old son and I'm worried people (in particular my mother in law, who is being… just awful) will try to take him away and say I'm an unfit mother :(

Of course, autism wasn't really something I heard of, growing up, at least not until later in life when my cousin was diagnosed. And it was never something I thought might apply to me. I was just shy and awkward and I thought the other kids were mean.

I'm still not entirely sure if I'm autistic but wow every time he talks about a support strategy and what behaviour it aims to correct I'm like YIKES

also it's keeping me up at night reliving all my fucking faux pas

Like, he's describing interventions you can take with kids to teach them social skills and how and why they help and it's stuff like not understanding which social circles a joke might be OK in (ahh cringe cringe) or dobbing on other kids (ahhhhhhhhh) or idiosyncratic humour (I thought my sense of humour was broken for ages).

And I'm up to the part about 9-13 year olds befriending the opposite sex and it me, the tomboy with no fashion sense, who has no girl friends ahhhh

So I'm reading The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome, as part of a self-discovery thing, to figure out if I'm autistic or not, and…

…every time he goes into the clinical descriptions of things I think "nah" and "maybe, but probably not clinically significant"

THEN he describes what kids with autism are like at various ages and I swear to fuck I'm having, like, flashbacks of all my childhood faux pas and also several adult ones

HUNGRY
HUNGRY
HUNGRY
HUNGRY
HUNGRY
HUNGRY
HUNGRY
HUNGRY

go, cat, rip out that mean ole towel's exposed underbelly with your back legs, kill, KILL

you weirdo

i love you

the cat is trying to murder a towel

As for my thoughts on Pacific Rim Uprising, it's not as good as the first film, but I still liked it. It feels like it's rushing a bit, trying to fit everything in, and it doesn't build up its characters and their relationships as well as the first one, but there's still plenty of fun robot smashy fighty fights. Some key plot points remind me of parts of Neon Genesis Evangelion episode 7 (A Human Work), and parts of End of Evangelion… also there seems to be a Blues Brothers reference…