bev! @TonicBH@computerfairi.es

morning, folks

There was a brief moment where I considered just abandoning the whole speedrunning scene entirely because of So Many Bad Things that have been happening at GDQ and other places.

I eventually thought "this isn't getting any better, so why bother supporting it?"

Then I realized this was a bit much, that we're better now than we were even five years ago.

I abandoned this chicken little philosophy and went to bed instead. That was the smarter move.

Just finished a game of Quake Champions where I played against a player named "Higgs Boston."

Which is also the name for my Dropkick Murphys tribute band

a friend of my parents sent me one of those chain letters talking about "a woman of spirit" and such.

it's amusing, because she probably just shared it absentmindedly, as I'm not out as nb/femme in public yet.

New on the Secret Area, the first post of 2020!

Have some Weekend Writing about Darksiders, a solid action adventure game that while not wholly original was still fun to play.

https://asecretarea.com/2020/01/05/weekend-writing-darksiders/

Saw a selfie of a trans gal I've been getting back in contact with lately and oh gosh she's a cutie aaa

This is so unlike me, it feels weird to go "oh gosh cuties everywhere " compared to how I was even a year or two back

yet it feels... right? it's hard to explain.

I am so glad I got off the wellbutrin because now I don't hesitate on saying things as much.

Now all that's in my wishlist is an Xbox One X (because fuck it, let's get into current gen just as next-gen hits) and a pair of shoes that looked neat but not 100% certain if they're my size.

...I seriously need to find more things I want.

Cleaned out my Amazon wishlist that was full of stuff that's out of stock and hard to find.

Also I probably wouldn't want any Lego Dimensions stuff in 2020. Different time.

I hate that everyone's so far away.

It would be nice just to snuggle up with anyone just so I don't feel touch-starved.

To show me that people care for me.

To feel valid.

it's early saturday morning and I feel like snuggling cuties

It's weird to be awake at this hour and read news that dan ryckert is leaving giant bomb.

I honestly never thought he would leave.

Yesterday I wrote something on birdsite about wanting to disconnect from focusing on current events because it made me depressed, which meant even turning off retweets and outright unfollowing people.

Then our "president" thought he'd do something *so cool* that people are now panicking and sharing stuff, clogging my Twitter timeline with doom and gloom, causing me to be depressed again.

One day. It lasted one day before I couldn't avoid it.

I'm so done.

I took a hit off my dad's weed vape pen for the first time in a while and I now feel a bit more at ease than I did an hour ago.

I hate feeling panicked and nervous about things that aren't 100% in my control.

why use q-tips when you could use qt-tips instead

there's so many cute people out there that I wanna hug and smooch

I wanna make that a goal for 2020: To not be so reserved on being affectionate.

what's with y'all saying happy new year, it's still 2019 dammit