bev! @TonicBH@computerfairi.es

So it's pride month. I'm still kinda in the closet when it comes to trying nb femme stuff.

The only reason why is because I am incredibly afraid to ask my dad's girlfriend if it's okay for me to dress like that around the house.

Wish I could get over that fear.

Wish people were nearby so I could snuggle them

Tonight was a night where I felt happy and comfortable.

I wish it didn't require me to be drunk to enjoy it.

Stumbled upon a YouTube playlist of good Doom music and I'm finding some absolute bangers in this

I've been playing Black Mesa and it's super hard not to play without making Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware jokes

Watching a Giant Bomb video of Trackmania and I'm now just finding out about the majestic Star Wars Metallica track.

It's so ridiculous

New on the Secret Area: Let's revisit 2012.
I look back at some of the stuff I wrote for the Secret Area's first year.

https://asecretarea.com/2020/05/25/revisiting-old-secrets-year-one-2012/

Considering its meme status these days, is it wrong to listen to Out of Touch on a day that's not Thursday?

Late last year, I figured out that clearly I wasn't a cis male and probably lean more non-binary/femme.

I was hoping by now this would lead to me truly expressing who I am in person, but I still hesitate.

It's getting to a point where I'm having a hard time hiding it anymore, and it's frustrating.

I wish I could be myself.

There's a point where the whole gender thing can't be hidden away forever, and I keep thinking of the consequences if I ever decided to reveal it.

It's a high chance they'd be okay with it, but there's a nonzero chance that this could damage things considerably if I even hint towards it.

Thus I hide it away and never speak of it to my family.

My aunt from Vegas is visiting for the next two weeks.

Last night, while everyone else had a considerable amount of drinks, a sober me was talking with my aunt about life, family and how I felt restrained from how I wanted to express myself.

I was hinting towards gender stuff but didn't explicitly say, and even a few months later I hesitate ever talking about it to family.

I realize I tend to follow some people who have good goth/punk looks and I've always imagined if I could pull it off

probably not

I genuinely would love to give these posters a proper home, but I don't know if there's any demand for that stuff.

For a while I've had some posters rolled up in my room that I had no idea what they were.

Today, I found out I have a Kirby 20th Anniversary poster, a Fallout New Vegas poster, and oddly, a poster for some GFW Radio reunion?

I seemed to get a lot of junk from PAX.

It's 6AM and christ my back is sore.

I need some cuddles and comfort right now