azka @azka@computerfairi.es
im 25 and a walking train-wreck new to mastodon but not social-sites like it.
im trans nb, he/they, and autistic.
i live in Australia !! i like furries and cool colors and animal crossing and im working towards working in the disability industry.
i really love dogs and bears !!!! i use them to reply n talk with because i think they portray me better than i can !!!!
Joined Nov 2017
negativity n mental illness
and im trans and being trans makes me feel like shit??? surgeyr is so much money but i just want to look "Normal " lmao.
and i hate being so fucking sex repulsed because i cant stand even the faintest idea of myself in sexual sitauations because of my body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria.
my gf says lewd things sometimes and then profusely apologizes and makes it look/feel like ive kicked her in the fucking stomach.
i hate this. i hate it. i hate myself.
negativity n mental illness
like ...
man im so mentally ill lmao. other than spending my Entire Life thinking about dying. i also get to deal w/ my head coming up w/ shit like "Hey do u really love ur girlfriend? Or are you just doing this because youre autistic and its habit at this point. Because you feel NOTHIGN all the time and ur a Piece of Shit"
i doubt myself all the time. and it doesnt help shes also mentally ill????? not blaming her but its........Bad Sometimes.
Like I'm so upset that we (trans people) can't even feel safe around the people WE'RE MEANT to feel so around. Lgb people making trans jokes at our expense and then trying to play it off like it's okay ?? it's not. just choke.
a gay man too. a man under the LGBT flag. throwing trans people under the bus. ha haha. so funny !! its nice when ur own people are the ones throwing stones. it's a vicious reminder that lgbqa's aren't always fucking supportive of the T in the acronym.
life just peaked. got to witness someone (a man) saying "psh did you just assume my gender?" like he thought he was actually making a Clever Joke. no David you're just a piece of shit.
depression /suicide tw
like.
man how do i tell my gf "hey most days because of my disabilities id rather be dead. so i spend a lot of hours googling ways to kill myself and one day ill just do it and nothing you do or say will change that"
without sounding.......
Bad And Abusive.
impulsive thought to put envelope into mouth when licking the glue side closed. the entire envelope.
childrens consent
okay david, glad to know u think kids cant display empathy and reason. like little robots who have no feelings until they hit adolesence and then suddenly grow feelings.
the older generation who think like this need to Die Out.
consent, being trans etc etc
god literally lmao. im glad i grew up trans. im glad i was born who i was. because i got to experience a side of the world cismen conveniently miss out on. of being made to hug strangers, kiss strangers, act "like a good little girl".
teach your little girls consent from a young age !! teach your little boys consent from a young age !! if they or someone else doesnt want to be touched, dont touch someone !!! how simple!!!
me,: sitting at an uncomfortable angle for hours on end
also me : "why tf am i sore"
disabilities
not disabled enough to get disability care
too disabled to actually work and function
azka
boosted
late capitalism; I seem to be angry rather a lot lately
"the more you want the less happy you feel" thank you for the moralistic advice.
What I *want* is to own my used car, live in a studio apartment, have some sort of social life which includes projects and time for spiritual development, have health care, and have a day job which doesn't kill me.
This should not be out of reach in a society as prosperous as this one claims to be. Why should I *not* be unhappy when this appears beyond reach?
sicksick
back to bed with me.
everything aches.
id rather be dead at this point. my bed is so uncomfortable too hnnhg.
azka
boosted
cis people ruin everything -_-
lgbt media treatment
over a year later, nearly two, i am still reeling over lexa's death on the 1OO lmao. every single thing my little gay self longed for in tv since i was a wee bab was torn away and i wept. it sent me into a depression spiral and i needed hospital help.
like people dont get that enough of us already die simply because of who we are. killing her was so fucking painful and i'll never get over it lmao.
me, after waking up after a night full of fevered sickness: "am i so out of touch with what a bad body should feel like?"
"no, it is my body is who wrong"
@squirrel i think u can install photoshop via WINE. but i know Krita and Inkscape exist for sure. we were using them during my degree. but ya WINE + ps.
sick siiiickkk
and to make matters worse its 0330 but i just want to go make some vegetable broth but my roommates are shit and im scared of em so !!!!
sick sick
I can't keep trying to sleep this off. My bed is no longer comfy. I'm up and about again. I got 8 hours sleep total.
Just everything aches. And I've hit my 24 hour total allowed of ibuprofen fuck me.
im 25 and a walking train-wreck new to mastodon but not social-sites like it.
im trans nb, he/they, and autistic.
i live in Australia !! i like furries and cool colors and animal crossing and im working towards working in the disability industry.
i really love dogs and bears !!!! i use them to reply n talk with because i think they portray me better than i can !!!!
Joined Nov 2017
