jk I'm all about that bread @danishcookies@computerfairi.es

Mastodon really rewards you for just... going off on one. It's so nice.

I feel old habits kicking in- trying to engineer content that'll get boosts- then some weird vent thread I started yesterday will make the rounds instead.

Maybe I'm just lucky..? But I feel this platform actively resisting my worse tendencies in ways I hadn't expected. I'm grateful for that.

That's how it *should* be.

Think I'll be sticking around for the foreseeable future. ❤️

@bitchphomet parenting reflex

y'all would love my wife. a TSA agent once waved her through, then waved at her angrily bc she had to stop for a moment to gather her things, and she looked at them and said "use your words,"

every time a cissie asks if i like drag race my pool of beatific patience gets one drop lighter and i get one step closer to blotting out the sun with forbidden gender magicks

Christmas tree idea: hang a bunch of silver-painted buttplugs as ornaments and no one can tell the difference.

i saw citrus twee at wal*mart and she was calling the cashier a "stupid twink" and knocking over piles of canned beans

the coochie elf is a twink now

Download A Car by sp00t https://web.archive.org/web/20100823212937im_/http://customize.org:80/bb4win/themes/67687

tall girl: *exists*

me: 💖💖💖

when your a italian in a cramped kitchen preparing dips for a small gathering of friends

"eyyyy im guaccing here"

@Gaynebula @queerchangeling

@Gaynebula You know why

Ok Google why the FUCK do I have a crush on Bowser and why do so many fellow gays(TM) agree with me

greasing myself up and sliding around my living room floor in a pile of oil, carpe diem motherfuckr

i'm gnot a gnelf... i'm gnot a gnoblin... i'm gnonbinary!

Wow just heard about this Goatse thing and uh wow

@danishcookies @deathsentence Big fat ribcages are still in, I see.

they don't call me the piss king of ass mountain for nothing

So if you're ever on jury duty and think the law is unfair, just fuckign say 'not guilty' even if they broke that unfair law, nobody can stop you and a hung jury = free to walk. Or if you just want to give a 'fuck you' to the cops who put all that work into building a case.