Esme Povirk @madewokherd@computerfairi.es

Having the weird thought that a lot of things I perceive as experiences are actually things I'm doing and I have the option to stop. I just tend to get caught up in them and forget that.

I will never have time to do this, but I think it'd be fun to decompile a game "from scratch" - build all parsers, disassembler, and decompiler yourself

Had a dream about society disabling me, only at the end I somehow was calm enough to start to explain: hey, I understand objectively this isn't a big deal but it's the result of a cascade of failures in navigating this whole system, which happens constantly because society isn't designed for me. you acted reasonably and it's not your fault but be aware that a lot of extra emotional weight from other events has been piled on top of this one thing for me @actuallyautistic

@emerald You're not "really" plural nor are you "really" singlet. No one is. They're just models we use to work with a reality that's far more complex.

This one involves using your imagination far more than other models, perhaps, but imagination does reflect and change the reality.

Time for a nano-nap! /lays down for like 10 seconds

@b0rk This is very useful for large projects because unlike the long form it doesn't "disturb" files that changed between HEAD and otherbranch (due to otherbranch being out of date), which makes incremental rebuilds faster.

@b0rk Update your branch from upstream by applying all of your branch's changes on top of upstream.

Ash has decided to coin the term "chronogenic" for headmates that are in some way a result of time travel.

@emerald Having a grounding trigger helped with that, I think, when we remembered to use it. (It was originally intended as a "break any active trances" trigger. Apparently a lot of things are secretly trances?)

@emerald Definitely interacted heavily with system stuff for me. Some system members seemed to have direct control while others had to yell at a golem and hope it listens.

Sorry, I'm not sure how coherent I am today.

Where I'm vaguely ending up is: motivations that are not healing or empowering are, though possibly temporarily effective, not sustainable. And motivations that are healing or empowering make us inconvenient.

I've been wondering since noticing this was a thing: how much of neurodivergent "executive dysfunction" is because the things that motivate neurotypical folks don't really work for us, and the things that work aren't taught to us? Followed by a vague swirling mass of: what might be the reasons/motivations behind that?

@emerald The way I would make myself do that specific thing would be: stop, rest, cultivate love. Specifically love for my present and future self would get me moving. Which also means that it doesn't make much difference whether it's me or someone else that will experience the eventual benefits, i.e. "gratification" on any timeline doesn't play into it.

(Being able to generate love in that way took a lot of work though.)

@emerald I feel like even if the reward were immediate, it wouldn't actually influence my behavior.