maple "mavica" syrup [6502] @mavica_again@computerfairi.es

so this little guy followed me home

you have all the right to disagree with my words because they're absolutely imperfect dogshit words, but right now it's all i have to explain how i'm actually feeling

things suck. social media sucks. jealousy sucks. begging for attention after being told you're allowed to, only for then to be shunned because of it, sucks. i'm hurt, i cannot deny this. i won't blame any single person but i don't think this is mine alone to fix

right now best i can summarize as i said in a message to a friend:

i'm isolated whether i like it or not. if i run away from everybody at least it's on my own terms.

i won't delete my tweets from the previous days. i still feel hurt and stand behind much of what i posted. they're complicated feelings.

Inkjet or Laser? I was raised around the sweet ozone of copiers, so I personally lean laser. — as much as i hate getting my paws covered in toner dust fixing laser printers, i hate nothing more than the cost and waste o… https://retrospring.net/maple_syrup/a/106506158463709820

i'm alive. i'm still not ok. i read every message from those who cared enough to send them, thank you. i'm going to stay away for a while longer.

if i do it soon enough nobody will even notice because it'll be overshadowed. you know.

if i just emotionally revert to my channer imageboard moderator years i can give everybody the excuse they're all looking for to wash their hands of me so nobody feels guilty when i do everybody a favour by killing myself

i angrily envy all of you who have friends and were invited to hang out and stuff. i'm almost 30 and i never did any of that. i'm toxic waste but nobody lets me off myself because suicide icky

"these isolating times" isn't covid years for me. it's my entire adult life and ongoing. nobody gives a fuck

what happens now

if your votes on someone's poll won't save does that mean they've muted you

for being so suicidal online i sure don't even have any self harm scars to show for it. no wonder nobody will ever take me seriously

reaching out doesn't do anything. support structures don't exist. everybody will do the bare minimum to make sure you'll just be someone else's problem until you're nobody else's problem. you are alone. give up