Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

@maple ooh, this is really good

@natalie@masto.ninja it never ends because she keeps jumping back in the box!

In more "this cat is too curious for her own good", Pissy, the cat from two doors up, managed to get herself locked in the car belonging to one door down after jumping in there without anyone noticing

She'd probably been in there for three hours before being found

She's fine though, seemed quite happy to be in there

@scoots it's cool, I know you've had stuff going on, just get to it when you get to it, no massive rush

A man was unlucky enough to be standing right outside a cheese factory when it suddenly exploded

He ended up covered in de brie

@maple good morple (morning maple)

@maple blub

@noelle I'm wondering if that's written that way because someone in the DHS press department wanted to get across "this is trump's ridiculous idea, none of us in the DHS wanted it"

wow, I really suck at drilling holes in a straight line

gonna have to get out the drill press

@Elizafox oh come on, they couldn't bump it up another year?

Foreman: The jury recommends 420 years in prison
Juror: lol
Judge: lol

@InspectorCaracal you can indeed

Michael Bubbly is allowed, but only because he seems nice and this is the only time he seems to get any work

Also nothing by Slade is allowed, and Cliff Richard can fuck off

"Baby it's cold outside" should be banned from the radio

Not because the lyrics are a little suspect if looked at through modern eyes even though it's fine in the historical context, but because I'm sick of hearing it every twenty minutes for the two months leading up to christmas

There's a TV program on now called "The World's Most Expensive Presents" and it's just showing reason upon reason to get the guillotines out

It's a load of ridiculously expensive shit rich people give each other as christmas presents

@maple @masklayer it is nice and comfy here

@sydneyfalk I'm not sure about wingsuits but there are automatic descender systems made for evacuation, basically it's a friction brake on a bit of rope, you get in a harness, clip one end of the rope to you then walk off the edge and it slows your descent to about 1-2m/s, after that the next person can use it

turns out May will still be PM tomorrow, sorry to all those who bet she'd be out before the end of this year