Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

For people that say "We must secure a future for white children" the alt-right are really doing fuck-all about global warming

Fucking recycle you nazi dickheads

Also die in a fire

Maybe not a fire because of the carbon emissions, die in an ecologically friendly way

While Italian antipasti is all the rage, one should be incredibly careful about handling it in Cornwall

It's a well understood fact that when antipasti and pasty collide they annihilate each other and release a cataclysmic amount of energy

there's a furlongs per fortnite joke somewhere but I can't quite find it

A lot could probably be said about the differences between USA Dennis the Menace and UK Dennis the Menace and what they each say about their respective societies

eh, maybe open it up to /sam\S*/i

feel free to put as many non-space characters on the end as you like

my name is /sam/i

yep, entirely case insensitive

pontypridd is pronounced ponty-prid-id

pro-tip: make sure the staple gun is completely clear of pins before switching to much shorter staples

I now have a neat little hole in a chopping board

Well, I guess this was the logical conclusion of Kiwami Japan's cow liking

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t557dPspLxo

A knife made of milk with a cow handle

In more "this cat is too curious for her own good", Pissy, the cat from two doors up, managed to get herself locked in the car belonging to one door down after jumping in there without anyone noticing

She'd probably been in there for three hours before being found

She's fine though, seemed quite happy to be in there

A man was unlucky enough to be standing right outside a cheese factory when it suddenly exploded

He ended up covered in de brie

wow, I really suck at drilling holes in a straight line

gonna have to get out the drill press

Michael Bubbly is allowed, but only because he seems nice and this is the only time he seems to get any work

Also nothing by Slade is allowed, and Cliff Richard can fuck off

"Baby it's cold outside" should be banned from the radio

Not because the lyrics are a little suspect if looked at through modern eyes even though it's fine in the historical context, but because I'm sick of hearing it every twenty minutes for the two months leading up to christmas