Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

it's 2019, thanks to snapchat, EVERYONE has a fursona

some people just don't want to admit it yet

snapchat animal filters : fursonas ::
boxed wine and 2 buck chuck : an expensive sommelier's favourite wine

i'm just sayin

yes it is scaley fursecution because it's all dogs/cats/foxes/pandas etc

(bored government official voice) if you have no fursona on record with our office, one will be provided to you via use of random snapchat filter,

@jeff it's probably because of seeing eye ponies, which are often a better choice for blind people if they live in rural enough areas to, y'know, keep a pony

me: oh no this person is talking about 'if i've softblocked you' i hope they're not talking about me on this post i see on my timeline because i am following them i hope i didn't get softblocked!!!

my brain:

me: ......wait

@HYPERLINK i feel like you might want to maybe try some beano if you're emitting too much bottom radiation

....

p.s. yes i know this joke is terrible but also the siren song of an easy fart joke is impossible at times to resist

@guinan@tenforward.social whelp y'all it's fucking canon now, you heard the lady

the tribble episode is probably guinan having to fight rumors that she's making moonshine from all the excess tribbles happening everywhere as tribbles typically do

whether this is true or not will be left. .........unclear. but hey the customers weirded out by it come back so

the special that has become a permanent menu item is "the picard day special: tea, earl grey, hot, with enough rum in it to deal with whatever bullshit is happening today" (aka rum, neat, with a tiny droplet of tea carefully applied to the top by pipette)

also tribbles happen at some point, because they are the best part of star trek sorry it's just facts

new star trek tng spinoff series idea:

guinan

it's just guinan chilling in ten forward, solving people's problems for them, and inventing sometimes-topical new cocktails (today's special: "the warrior's drink", prune juice with a floating layer of jagermeister, which is set on flame before you drink it)

@InspectorCaracal of course the serious part of the episode gets to be riker confronting some internalized misogyny/idea that he could never be victim of sexual harassment

but it's mostly troi trying to be all "no no you're right it's a very serious thing and that is starfleet protocol i just - i just need a SNRK - a momeeAHAHAHA"

guinan gets in at least thirty good quips about it, probably rapid-fire, while setting Data straight

@InspectorCaracal picard gives riker a friendly pat on the shoulder and data is IMMEDIATELY THERE with a trauma blanket, kind words from the approved starfleet script, and the memorized com number of starfleet human resources confidential reporting line. riker does not live this down for MONTHS

troi tries not to laugh and only succeeds in staying mostly quiet but does end up rolling straight out of her chair doing that silent "too funny to breathe" wheezing

@InspectorCaracal @troubleMoney I KNOW RIGHT????

like... if you get a fertilized egg, you know. You Know! it is Not Subtle!!!! i don't know how anyone could like... get through 5th grade biology/sex ed and look at an egg and go "yes. this is definitely something that contains a whole entire baby chicken"

PROBABLY NO COINCIDENCE THE ONLY FOLKS I'VE HEARD TRY THAT ARE CIS DUDES

@InspectorCaracal alternatively:

if data has uploaded starfleet_sexual_harassment_seminar.dll, he's the one going around assuming that everyone else is getting sexually assaulted for a bit

the guidelines get updated with more experience but picard cries/troi nearly laughs herself sick at some points

@InspectorCaracal oh

oh NO

...bless her heart

@Louisa being a bit piratical when you say it, e.g. "me fucko" instead of "me hearty", is optional but *highly* recommended