Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

me: gameplay? oh like kink play but it's games i guess, oh ok, not my thing but if someone wants to bring some jenga or a game of twister into it that's fine, not my idea of a fun scene but it takes all sorts i suppos-

me: wait

me: wait

me: wait. hold up. brain. let's just. go back a minute

(goemon voice) i know the solution to this. vore.

i appreciate the conceit of this episode very much

lupin: tears of a yeti???? where am i gonna find a YETI
jigen: a mermaid's scale??? what does a mermaid even LOOK like where the FUCK

goemon: dragon liver? oh yeah i got you. brb, i know exactly where to go for the dragons, see you soon

why have so many of my bones been replaced with rice crispies and how can i undo this

...garrus vakarian, well, okay, that's a little bit more contested territory i must admit. but lovely turian vibrato is just reparations for having to deal with cishet nonsense, so,

i was going to make some sort of joke here about allyship being my cishet ass willing to work out some sort of time share arrangement for my favs, however, i'll be honest, i think i may just accept that i'm enough of a basic bitch that there is little contention

i don't think there's exactly a furious movement to reclaim carth onasi from the straights?

@Nukacola tough, but fair. can i still have fisto, though?

(goemon ishikawa voice) you're killing me, lupin. you're killing your samurai

a concept: an episode of #lupinthethird but every so often it just cuts to Goemon in an Office-style 'confessional' where he stares at the camera and just sighs, possibly after making this face in relation to whatever shit Lupin just did

man, i wish PETA would just... fuck off

as carnivorous as i am, there are a lot of good points being made by vegans, and the things that deserve attention are so thoroughly drowned out by PETA's utter fuckwittery

@uniporn ah if only that were the logic! sadly i think i this case, it's more like... "we always fix the problems men are having first. but ladies can get the leftovers. sometimes. maybe. if it's convenient!" OTL

@uniporn honestly one would think both would hurt, but i have heard the styptic is "well if you thought he was yelling about being shot before, he IS going to scream REAL LOUD NOW" level ouchy.

i personally hope i never need to know!

unless the styptic they're using is cocaine, in which case, that is fine. (because that is the medical use of cocaine still: ...to stop really bad nosebleeds.) (make your own joke there)

@uniporn something like this still exists in its original purpose in the US army but also if i'm remembering right usually contains a powder that acts as a styptic to immediately help arrest bleeding, but also hurts like fuck and is thus really only used in "OK SOLDIER IT'S EITHER THIS OR BLEEDING OUT GOOD LUCK" type situations!

tampons: Good At Catchin' Blood Wherever You Stick 'Em

@uniporn fun fact if i'm remembering my medical trivia, this is exactly how tampons were in fact invented! they were originally debuted as compact packing for gunshot wounds, but then the red cross nurses in the battlefield hospitals found them seriously handy as well, and ta da there you go! (fortunately they quickly developed the applicator which is nice, lol)

serious business:

"bottoms can't handle spicy food, only tops" wildly inaccurate

ppl who like spicy foods are in fact *all* bottoms because they enjoy their food domming them by causing them pain

this is 100% true.

[fade in, inside of a catholic confession booth]

priest: yes, my child?

me: well, this is my first time here, i'm not sure how this goes...

priest: do not worry, you are free to speak here, go ahead -

me: ok great! i was wondering if i could get this call upgraded to a supervisor, i have some concerns

priest: um

me: i really need to speak to engineering because this 'rotator cuff' feature is entirely too complicated, and this unit sold to me violated Connecticut's 'lemon law' as per -