Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

like i would if i could! but i'm not... sure... why we were informed of this as a need-a-mod-immediately!!!! type problem......

it's touching to be considered that powerful but also i can't actually remote into your computer and block people on fb for you

i mean i could

but idk if you want me to do that because if you admit you have a problem starting shit on fb, i'm just going to delete your fb to solve that issue

like it's nice and all when someone assumes we mods are omnipotent but the reality is that being a mod of a discord server, and our power level on getting people banned from facebook, can be shown in the following graph

ah, time for today's Moderating Moment

"these users are being mean to me for saying i called them transphobic when i was just happy to be in a trans-friendly space"

ok i don't see the channel this is happening in, but tell me who it is and we'll deal with it

"oh it's in pms, here's what was written"

...ok this is not anyone on our server

"no it's on facebook"

ah...

"i started shit with them and now i'm scared :( do something about this mods pls"

...well, i have some bad news

ngl makeup application is probably the one thing that makes me grit my teeth and consider contact lenses/lasik or whatever

then i remember that my eyeballs don't like contact lenses (the inside of my eyelids start building up protein and it feels gritty and awful), and lasik might not even work/is expensive

but still

would be nice to be able to see more than like 8 inches from my face so i could BLEND MY FUCKING EYESHADOW

or if i could figure out how to put on falsies. that would also be good.

magnetic false eyelashes greatly appeal to me as a concept i just can't... maneuver the little motherfuckers

apparently blue eyeshadow is back on trend and people are groaning because it's easy to look 1980's tacky

however

i'm very pleased with this turn of events because if i put blue right next to my grey-blue eyes they actually look more blue than grey HOORAY

NOW IF ONLY MY EYELASHES WOULD GROW IN

if i were sitting at my desk trying to deal with marketing reports and janice's baby was crying while i was trying to be on the phone with clients for the 15th time that day, plus dealing with the dirty diaper smell and how it permeates living spaces so quickly, i

i would

probably quit on the spot

if not riot in some form or fashion

Who Thinks Casually Bringing The Newborn To An Office Job Is A Super Good Idea

listen despite not being particularly maternal i hasten to add i'm not a violent worst-of-r-childfree misanthrope. babies are fine.

however.

this week's dear prudence features a boss trying to deal with what to tell an employee who wants to just bring her newborn with her to the office job 9 to 5

ladies... gentlemen... distinguished persons... .........i do not know in what universe this idea is a good one. not just good, but preferable to working from home

my shoulder is still fucked, my ovary hurts, but at least i found people who have uploaded grenada sherlock holmes on youtube and have a free to play mmo thing on switch that is the most pure condensed essence of weeb i have ever seen

anyway thank you for coming to miss harpalyce wigglytuff's regularly scheduled sturr wurrs screaming

upcoming lectures include topics such as:

-leia needs a hug probably while she screams over unprocessed grief about alderaan

-padme amidala also had a rough absence-of-proper-childhood, just with better fashion

-luke and leia might've thought their dad was the daredevil dumbass full of bad ideas but nope they done got it from both ends!!!! sorry kids!!!!!!!!

-THE JEDI ORDER HAD IT COMING

"harp, with so much of your characterization around food, you sound kinda fat"

a. i am bitch

2. it's fucking important actually

III. seriously, you want your shortcut to worldbuilding? typical meal for wealthy, middle-class, poor. everything flows from that. everything. the landscape. the political climate. the ongoing conflicts. the pressures and demands on people living there. everything. if you want to build a world in one question, THAT'S IT. LOOK AT THE FOOD.

also the two best original characters i have EVER created are Dasje and Mirou, Darth Vader's valet and cook.

i love them and so should you

please go appreciate them

here's their one-shot spinoff so you don't gotta work through eleventy fuck chapters of Masquerade

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6961358/1/Badger-and-Bread

Thank You.

incidentally masquerade!vader's fav food is mushroom curry with frybread

culinary historians please feel free to read in the multiple levels of symbolism there

(because why would a machine need to complain about its fuel? why should a machine care about it?)

and it's no coincidence that when leia snaps at him in the upcoming couple of chapters and twists the knife, then realizes how she fucked up by telling him that he is just a machine...

...she comes with food

to apologise, she comes with his favourite meal and notes how much she fucked up, but brings that as a peace offering

it probably says a lot to me that like. vader's relationship with food is used in masquerade almost like a barometer of, well... y'know that mechanic in shadowrunner where you if you've got a lot of cyborg bits, you're a shit shaman? like that, basically

if he's remembering his humanity, he's eating real food - humble food.

if he's in disguise - he's eating the local chow.

if he's giving up on his humanity - it's nutrition ration bars and fuckall else

obi-wan: AND YOU ATE IT?????????!!!!!!!!

anakin: duh yeah it was a twinkie

obi-wan BUT IT WAS OUT OF DATE

anakin: lmao those labels never mean anything bro it was fine

obi-wan: ANAKIN IT WAS OUT OF DATE *BEFORE YOU WERE BORN*!!! WHAT THE F U C K

anakin: like maybe a little stale but like, it's a twinkie, so who can tell lmfao. still good!

obi-wan: OH

obi-wan: MY

obi-wan: G O D

force qui-gon jinn: (distant ghostly laughing)

anyway with that angst sorted pls imagine this, The Office style:

obi-wan: i wouldn't say i'm a trendy dieter, no, but i do try to make some effort to be health-conscious, you know, you get out what you put in, and it pays to find those clean eating options, so things like this kale and quinoa salad --

anakin, distantly, mouth full: LOL THIS TWINKIE'S OLDER THAN YOU ARE OBI-WAN

obi-wan: Oh

obi-wan: My God