Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

ngl i have a plotbunny running around in my head as i play botw, and the main obstacle is

figuring out how to actually write zelda as zelda, and not "a hundred years of hangin' in there against ancient evil mean i have developed a sense of humor that i've clearly borrowed from Hawkeye of M*A*S*H. listen it was a lot of time for reruns okay? also what's a princess got to do to get a cup of coffee around here, fuckssake. i need that energy for subtly messing with link outta love" zelda

"LINK WHY DID YOU TAKE SO LONG TO DEFEAT CALAMITY GANON"

"had to be friends with every horse"

so here is Bluebell, Berri, and newest/best stats horse i've gotten yet, Bess!

why is she called Bess? 'cos i think the vashti bunyan song is a plausible thing for link to cheerfully hum as he trots along https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwvrYZnVjSQ

#botw #gameing

@grainloom (and if he uses ancient greece or ancient rome as his ideals of a normal society, please imagine me in the background unhelpfully losing my shit and wheezelaughing myself onto the floor.)

@grainloom hmm. maybe answer with a challenge of what he thinks a normal society is or has been.

if he gives you a definite answer, odds are good that you'll be able to find a queer history of (whatever time period or society goes here), and hopefully translated into multiple languages.

if he offers no definite answer, ask him how he can use something that never existed as a baseline. (don't you need a baseline to exist before deciding to measure shit in comparison?)

mostly because they're trying to make a like... tortilla goldfish cracker happen. but it's not all corn? so it's just... it's a weird half and half that falls down on either way you're expecting it to be, and has an odd bitter note in it that i'm not sure how they got at ALL in there.

back to my white trash dreams of acquiring that shaker of ranch dressing seasoning and combining it with a regular-ass bag of cheddar goldfish

i regret to inform you all that ranch goldfish crackers exist, and they are... not good :(

@vamp i'd recommend maybe setting up a 'walled garden' for him of sorts - like if there's an interest or activity y'all share, have an account dedicated to that. like uhhh - fuck idk what 11 year olds like these days - 'our minecraft builds' or suchlike. that way if you're sharing the account, that's the perfect reason to kinda guide him through interactions, check in on things (with him being aware he's being checked on), and do little learning moments on the way there.

@vamp i think the law is your easy out here: COPPA
means it has to be 13 or up, unless the person running whatever social media has explicit signed permission, on paper, otherwise. that's in USA, many are more strict.

personally i remember hitting the internet at age 12, and looking back, i know that i had a hell of a lot of "there but for the grace of god go i" moments. make sure you're going to be putting him in a community of people who *will* look after him in an avuncular fashion, tbh.

note that the peripera water tints are actually very good, it's just that they are not kidding about the tint part. like, y'all, they do not fuck around in the pigment department. "haha it's like water it's going to be at least a little dilute" My Friend It Is Not!

they last a long time and are amazingly effective but i also always end up with my fingertips dyed the same color in the process of trying to get it on my lips in the right spots so

makeup in sephora: eyeliner sharp enough to kill. assert yourself with red. become the very picture of listless and grim models who do not smile because of laugh lines. serious makeup. for serious people.

asian beauty, in the distance: hey yo y'all want some makeup in a fukin' uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh miniature fridge

me: MINIATURE FRIDGE????? OH BOY WOULD I!!!!!!!

@Lexi@octodon.social okay that last bit wasn't actually relevant advice in any way but like. tiny fridge full of makeup, how can i NOT lose my shit

@Lexi@octodon.social yeah!! i actually LOVE my canmake stuff. https://www.canmake.com/en/ is their english website as well. for other asian brands i've bought them through yesstyle, which has come through fantastically every time.

also you can get shit like peripera's mini fridge, and this isn't quite no-makeup makeup - i haven't figured out how to work the water tints well honestly LOL - but like. check this shit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DM6bNUAxM4 FUUUUCK IT'S MAKEUP IN A TINY FRIDGE FUCK YES

@Lexi@octodon.social they're not too absurd on amazon (which is through the one official reseller of canmake to the US, they are extra proud of this and send every package with that certification plus some goodies, usually a sample) and it's a bit goofy but i. love. their. packaging. it's all very princessy and i ADORE that.

their catalogues also have diagrams of things like... plotting all their blushes in terms of lots of color/sheer color on one axis and staying powder on the other.

@Lexi@octodon.social uuugh yeah. i admit i haven't fully figured out how to conquer my PCOS beard with makeup.

but it's definitely the right season to try that 'no makeup makeup' too! in summer i think everyone goes a little lighter on the makeup anyway.

the one brand i wanted to rec is canmake! they're a japanese brand that is apparently very popular among like college-age kids. i've loved the stuff i've gotten from them - some blushes, stay-on balm lip rouge, lip jam, etc.

so i found a buzzfeed article of "gifs to retire in 2014".

what do y'all recon, a few more years in the cellar before they're of a proper vintage? https://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/19-gifs-we-should-all-retire-in-2014

@Alyx LOL don't actually feel bad in the least, i am taking a moment to mercilessly make fun of myself

i am a 1950's housewife screaming in absurd terror as she stands on top of the table except there are no mice, there are only chemistry problems

every time hardcore chemistry shows up on my dash i need y'all to imagine me giving a comedic shriek before tossing my laptop away from me in the most hilarious manner possible