Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

"i can be brave and actually be on my period," i say, bracing myself for pain. "i can show the doctor i'm a good patient! i can tough this out!"

my depression, ready to slam dunk me into the Cry All The Time pit:

it's not really what i INTENDED to do today, but i feel like it's nonetheless useful, so

could be worse?

i keep being philosophical on the internet in odd spaces and idk what that says about me

hopefully good things? given what i am saying? but still

last night it was https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/anmwz4/she_actually_did_it_jenny_milcarthy_threw_out_my/efup5a7/ crashing the reddit for people frustrated with their mothers-in-law with life advice

today it's commenting on splatoon 2 comm twitter drama with attempts at chill wisdom and sincerity https://twitter.com/parttimesquid/status/1093236925320888320

i'm sorry everyone i had two real bangers of posts today on reddit and that's where all my brain went

...

i got gold on one of em tho https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/angn2l/help_long_term_partner_caught_kissing_mother_with/eft8wo0/ HHHNGH YES THE VALIDATION OF STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET

https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/anmwz4/she_actually_did_it_jenny_milcarthy_threw_out_my/efup5a7/ has actual good advice in it tho i think

*floats on the fediverse in an inner tube*

hey yall know how preggers folk have their belly buttons (if 'innies') pop out as they get into like the 3rd trimester right

does that mean it's kinda like one of those pop-up indicators on roast turkeys that pop out when your roast is done

i am so sorry about revealing my dark past here, please @ me for reparations probably in the form of GoG/steam game keys or something*

*note: i am poor as shit though so don't get your hopes up beyond like 3 bucks

reasons i might belong on computerfairi.es as an instance: at age 14 or so, pondered for weeks whether to join a furry webring

reasons i might NOT belong on computerfairi.es as an instance: it was a 'furries for christ' webring

logically i understand why they can't

however if i end up getting surgery on my shoulder (Please.), i still want to ask like. "listen. y'all are workin' laproscroprically up there. why not just, y'know, make some room, and then i can get a laproscopic hysterectomy at the same time? or even just, y'know, assembly line that. put me under once, pass me like a motherfucking baton in a relay race. please. please?"

i debated about what team to be on in the #splatoon2 #splatfest that is upcoming

then i remembered

defending the honor of the house of waffle is in my blood

nope, uterus, nope, you are NOT going to keep me up half the night with cramps and then just WUSS OUT we are DOING THIS goddammit. i'm like a month overdue technically on the as scheduled by drs but i am going to chug these pills and my period IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

AND NOT JUST NOSEBLEEDS. and no i'm not going to hold perfume by me cunt so's pliny the elder can feel like he's correct for once

i mean it's canon. it's canon https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Jizz i'm cursing you all with this knowledge it's canon

apparently 'jizz harmonica' is the new meme and all i can think of is this

i got.

a mini ice cream cone.

a heating pad for my cramps in the back.

an ice pack for my shoulder.

and a blanket to go on top of it all. plus my regular mermaid blanket and an extra blanket for my feets.

because confusing the fuck out of your body is a legitimate #spoonie tactic right?

it's definitely only a matter of time until i get banned on /r/justnoMIL for repeatedly telling people to dump their partners instead of 'focusing on MIL'

but in my defense

if motherfuckers didn't need to be dumped, i wouldn't need to say dump the motherfucker now would i

i KNOW makeup formulation isn't that easy but like

but i waaaaaaaaaaaaaant it?????

WHINES LOUDLY AT TECHNOLOGY.

i don't have the ability to keep up with 5 million palettes of whatever and only using like a smidge before i should throw out makeup for expiring, not to mention all the stuff where i try it and then go "oh fuck yeah that's not gonna work for me" :|