bev! @TonicBH@computerfairi.es

Wish I could talk to more people one on one

Probably missing out on cool people doing cool things by just participating in group chats.

Would be great if people stopped reminding me that we have a less-than-desirable candidate running against a fascist in this year's election.

It's why I've been telling people to focus on state and city elections, because that's where change is made.

For example, I don't want a lose a senator to some Qanon dipshit that's running against him.

I'm a bit drunk this evening

Had a conversation with a family member about how I'm feeling gender-wise, and knowing she approves even while we're both rather inebriated gives me hope.

Stuff might be happening, and now I'm a bit scared of what'll happen next.

So it's pride month. I'm still kinda in the closet when it comes to trying nb femme stuff.

The only reason why is because I am incredibly afraid to ask my dad's girlfriend if it's okay for me to dress like that around the house.

Wish I could get over that fear.

Wish people were nearby so I could snuggle them

Tonight was a night where I felt happy and comfortable.

I wish it didn't require me to be drunk to enjoy it.

Stumbled upon a YouTube playlist of good Doom music and I'm finding some absolute bangers in this

I've been playing Black Mesa and it's super hard not to play without making Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware jokes

Watching a Giant Bomb video of Trackmania and I'm now just finding out about the majestic Star Wars Metallica track.

It's so ridiculous

New on the Secret Area: Let's revisit 2012.
I look back at some of the stuff I wrote for the Secret Area's first year.

https://asecretarea.com/2020/05/25/revisiting-old-secrets-year-one-2012/

Considering its meme status these days, is it wrong to listen to Out of Touch on a day that's not Thursday?

Late last year, I figured out that clearly I wasn't a cis male and probably lean more non-binary/femme.

I was hoping by now this would lead to me truly expressing who I am in person, but I still hesitate.

It's getting to a point where I'm having a hard time hiding it anymore, and it's frustrating.

I wish I could be myself.

There's a point where the whole gender thing can't be hidden away forever, and I keep thinking of the consequences if I ever decided to reveal it.

It's a high chance they'd be okay with it, but there's a nonzero chance that this could damage things considerably if I even hint towards it.

Thus I hide it away and never speak of it to my family.

My aunt from Vegas is visiting for the next two weeks.

Last night, while everyone else had a considerable amount of drinks, a sober me was talking with my aunt about life, family and how I felt restrained from how I wanted to express myself.

I was hinting towards gender stuff but didn't explicitly say, and even a few months later I hesitate ever talking about it to family.

I realize I tend to follow some people who have good goth/punk looks and I've always imagined if I could pull it off

probably not