Esme Povirk @madewokherd@computerfairi.es

Spent most of my work day yesterday debugging Mono's JIT in an arm32v5 environment. Conclusion: it's super broken and needs a lot of work. Also I'm going to do it because if Debian still supports it then so can I.

@hollie Maybe it's my neurospice or where I am physically and socially, but I don't seem to feel pressure against it the way others apparently do.

Why does the most fun way to play a game always involve so much bookkeeping?

@octopus@weirder.earth I did use a principle something like that for Xalia's interactions, but Xalia has almost no visible UI - just the border for targeted control. But it's more like.. if there's a thing that one's familiarity with playing games on gamepads leads them to expect a control to do in a regular UI context, it should probably do that.

@octopus@weirder.earth Only if they're doing something explicitly included in the UI. They may be dragging or pressing keys expecting them to do something.

@octopus@weirder.earth I'm taking the reply as an invitation to pull this apart. What if two different users have clear, but contradictory, ideas about what an action should do?

@freya I think of it as "reality" being one specific dream with its own continuity, while the others are equally real. Which leads me to caring a lot more about my behavior in dreams.

Anyway, none of this is general advice, I don't have everything figured out, other people will be in different situations, value different things, enjoy different things, and have different strategies and that's fine. I'm approaching this from a relatively privileged place. Just putting all that out there in case it helps someone make better use of the resources they have in accordance with their values.

Maybe part of what makes me feel I need less is inner work? I don't need "distraction" because actually my mind is a very pleasant place to be now, and I don't need to be distracted from it. I'm sufficiently in touch with my feelings that I can query them and get a pretty good answer about whether something is worth it.

I've started seriously asking myself: will this (purchase) make my life noticeably better? I find that I have too much stuff, and I will be looking to give much of it away to someone who will enjoy it more. I don't really enjoy food, so I can go for cheaper options without being less happy. It's not even a question of whether I "need" the things I'm supposed to consume, I don't really want them that much. I'm full, thanks.

It makes me question "saving for retirement". Granted, I'm also questioning how long any assets I have now are likely to hold value in the future, but also: what is that money doing now? Maybe I should donate more to worthy causes. Or friends who need it.

And maybe for what I do invest I should prioritize positive impact over individual return. I think that needs to be much broader than "do I think this company is ethical?" (it almost certainly isn't). It should make money by doing good.

It does lead me to a strong anti-advertising, especially adtech, stance. It represents small and unfairly distributed income to publishers. It does a lot of processing, on everyone's devices, wasting energy and making the web slower and worse. It invades privacy. It leeches attention, taking away individual agency over it. It helps people who have money make more money. It enables scams and malware to find their victims.

So: I block ads, pay to avoid them, and support creative people directly.

This doesn't lead me to slow down my own paid work because I believe the work I do creates a net benefit. I would probably be doing something similar if I didn't get paid.

I've started to reframe my living strategy around: how can I make myself as useless to capital as possible while still working within that system towards our collective well-being? (Where I think of "capital" as systems that exploit available resources for someone's benefit, even when doing so is a net negative to society.)

Friends, if you boost requests for financial aid, consider including a note so that I know you know them. It helps.

You know, I didn't really get the term "deadname" until last night when I thought "yeah, whoever that was really did die".

I think what obscured it for me was that "transition" was only a part of the process. There have been so many changes over such a long time that I didn't notice.