Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

@Jo "dude, your laptop's so old!"

"first off, not a dude, second, it's an x230 so not old, third, get the fuck off my lawn you little shit"

@Jo TFW you realise that "old computer shit" in their eyes means anything produced before 2010

@maple but counterproductive is my favourite kind of productive!

@maple you can eat chips while listening to all of those

that's a chiptune!

@maple I think the people on the field kick the ball then refs stop everything and people yell at the ref

yep, he's frothing at the mouth after the lottery decision

I mean, more so than he usually is

@maple very good toot, I shall look forward to the next one!

@Nine goes around wearing a canadian tuxedo

@Nine Jond: Jean Bond

@maple best deal ever

@TheGibson so long as they don't notice it's on waterproof paper I'm in!

Probably going to be quicker to ask who isn't running in the Democratic primary

Biologist: "What systematic name should we give to these large brown mammals?"
Scared intern: "BEAR! BEAR! BEAR!"
Biologist: "Yeah, Ursus Arctos Arctos sounds good"
Scared intern: "THERE'S A BEAR! RUN!"

I love comments about how "white people don't do spices"

Mate, we love spices so much we stole an entire subcontinent!

Brown Sauce: it's made of brown

@revolverocelot @InspectorCaracal "here you go, here's your egg and light armour division"

@InspectorCaracal @revolverocelot or about if ostritch eggs are a bit on the large side for a soft boiled egg?

@garbados yeah, we are pretty good 🐙