Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

@noelle "wannabe" is a song about polyamory

Seriously, "if you wanna be my lover you gotta get with my friends"?

ENGLAND: literally the only country where, when given large amounts of opiates, we think to ourselves "let's trade all this for tea"

I personally think that the Ladies' Watch prize should have gone to Moritz Grossman, Men's Watch to Vacheron Constantin, Men's Complication to H. Moser et Cie., Jewellery Watch to Bvlgari, and Artistic Crafts to Vacheron Constantin but I'm not on the judging panel

The winners of the 2018 Grand Prix d'Horlogerie de Genève were announced today, the Aiguille d'Or winner was the Bovet Récital 22 Grand Récital (pictured below)

All the other winners are listed here: https://www.hodinkee.com/articles/the-bovet-recital-22-grand-recital-takes-home-the-aiguille-dor-at-the-2018-gpgh-awards

@Jo that and the sheer disappointment of not having enough wine when you could have sworn you picked up a proper bottle

@Jo they're 2/3rds the size of proper bottles, so if you pick one up thinking "oh, that's a decent price for a bottle" then you'll be sorely disappointed that you only get 2 glasses out of it

Keep an eye out when you're in Tesco, they've started selling 50cl bottles of wine with verrry small labels saying they're not proper wine bottle size, you might get caught out if you're not careful

@Jo nothing they release can possibly match up to the mental image of Geralt fronting a death metal band I have in my head right now

@minego that as well, yes

If you're operating a car, don't tailgate the car in front like a bastard

Thus spake the octopus

@frinkeldoodle oh yeah, definitely

@frinkeldoodle oh no, that's what the after dinner ones are called

@frinkeldoodle surely fed talks are just ted talks scheduled for after lunch

@natalie@masto.ninja imagine giving a speech in front of all the media with a bunch of microphones pointed at you but instead of mic stands it's just me holding all of them

@mew nope, fish are just bony squids

@maple unfortunately I don't know much about this sort of thing either

I think most countries have an organisation that offers information and support for asylum seekers though, probably best to look those up

@maple I can't help with Canada but if you have to go down the list of options I might be able to help with the UK

https://www.theneweuropean.co.uk/top-stories/dominc-raab-i-had-not-quite-understood-importance-of-dover-calais-crossing-1-5769678

Man in charge of brexit shocked to discover that England is on a fucking island

im OCTOPUS!

@softgoat well two of those are @maple so who's the pufferfish?