Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

You can tell it's hot in the UK at the moment, some of our roads are melting

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/uk-weather-today-latest-temperatures-heatwave-roads-melt-hottest-june-day-met-office-1976-a7800241.html

I wonder how we'd explain the concept of "cute" to aliens...

"aww, isn't he cute!"
"what?"
"over there, he's adorable!"
"human, that's an apex predator that routinely kills and eats mammals far larger than you"
"his box was too smol but he still sits!"
"fucking humans"

if your plane needs a 20mph headwind to take off then it's not a plane, it's a kite

"The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary."

~ James Nicoll

There's too much credit going to the Wright Brothers

Their plane required a headwind to take off at all, I mean yeah, props to them for getting off the ground at all

But who should get more credit is Alberto Santos-Dumont, his plane could actually fly with just its own power

We Are Number One but it's compliant with EU Copyright Directive Article 13

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIVsupdZ86s

octopus is melting

octopus was not built for these temperatures

"Fisherman mugged at knife-point while three miles out at sea off Devon coast"

https://www.plymouthherald.co.uk/news/fisherman-mugged-knife-point-three-1709797

I'm not entirely sure if that's a mugging or piracy when it's three miles out

This is a bucket full of sloths

fuuuuuuuck

!!! BURG ROBOT !!!

I need one

http://creator.rest/

subtooting... most of masto I think

Alchemists believed you could turn lead into gold

Turns out you can indeed do that

Sadly you need a particle accelerator, a metric fuck-tonne of energy, and the yield is far too low to make it even slightly worth the effort

"I should probably have a bit of a clear out of all the clutter that's accumulated over the past god knows how many years"

4 ikea bags later...

He's not dead, he's fine, but if will.i.am's obituary when he does die doesn't include "will.he.was" they'd've missed a massive opportunity

tired: country and western
wired: scrumpy and western

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zbtAxQdZcU

(the person writing the lyrics down for the video got most of it wrong)

huh, counter.social still exists, that's a surprise

gert big snuffly snoot!

anteaters are cool