Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

I propose #mapleMonday

a day of the week on which we all love and appreciate @maple a little louder than we usually do

virtually no british person can remember the words to the national anthem

we can all, however, remember the entirety of Mr. Brightside by The Killers

I'm not entirely sure what that says about us

is "can this be used to deliver weed" the logistics equivalent of the tech world's "can this be used to view porn"?

I installed some electric sockets today and didn't even get shocked!

I'm getting okay at this practical stuff

"NSFW" isn't the best thing to use as a content warning as it's overly broad, being a little more specific is good

Unless you're tooting stuff that would get you in trouble with the Health and Safety Executive, then NSFW covers it nicely

TROUT
TROUT
SWIMMING ABOUT
THESE ARE THE FISH THAT I'M SINGING ABOUT
COME ON
I'M SINGING 'BOUT FISH
COME ON

For people that say "We must secure a future for white children" the alt-right are really doing fuck-all about global warming

Fucking recycle you nazi dickheads

Also die in a fire

Maybe not a fire because of the carbon emissions, die in an ecologically friendly way

While Italian antipasti is all the rage, one should be incredibly careful about handling it in Cornwall

It's a well understood fact that when antipasti and pasty collide they annihilate each other and release a cataclysmic amount of energy

there's a furlongs per fortnite joke somewhere but I can't quite find it

A lot could probably be said about the differences between USA Dennis the Menace and UK Dennis the Menace and what they each say about their respective societies

eh, maybe open it up to /sam\S*/i

feel free to put as many non-space characters on the end as you like

my name is /sam/i

yep, entirely case insensitive

pontypridd is pronounced ponty-prid-id

pro-tip: make sure the staple gun is completely clear of pins before switching to much shorter staples

I now have a neat little hole in a chopping board

Well, I guess this was the logical conclusion of Kiwami Japan's cow liking

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t557dPspLxo

A knife made of milk with a cow handle

In more "this cat is too curious for her own good", Pissy, the cat from two doors up, managed to get herself locked in the car belonging to one door down after jumping in there without anyone noticing

She'd probably been in there for three hours before being found

She's fine though, seemed quite happy to be in there