Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

in the mad max apocalypse future it'll be easy to spot the fediverse people because we'll all be wearing jorts and driving electric kei cars

humans finally make contact with what is basically god:

"Oh creator of all! We humbly ask you what is the meaning of all this you have blessed us with?"

"I just wanted a sandwich and spun up a universe to make it for me"

"...well shit"

Shit, that might actually be a decent sci-fi concept

Ridiculously advanced super long lived alien civilisation that can create universes on a whim and so any time they want anything they just spin up a universe, wait the subjectively couple of seconds for something in it to create whatever they want, and then just yoink it out of there

What if this universe was created by someone in a higher universe who mistook Carl Sagan's work for a cookbook and really wanted some apple pie

Every tank and most other armoured vehicles in the British Army are equipped with tea making facilities

This was considered necessary because previously tank crews would insist on exiting the tank to put the kettle on and kept getting shot

I am not making a word of that up

I missed this at the time, but whut?

https://www.vaticannews.va/en/vatican-city/news/2019-10/click-pray-rosary-smart-digital-device-world-peace.html

The "Click to Pray eRosary", a smart wearable rosary

That links up to "“Click To Pray”, the official prayer app of the Pope"

Apparently god is now really into the internet of things

Silica gel is actually non-toxic

The "do not eat" just refers to the packaging

I mean, still probably a bad idea to eat it but I'm not a fucking cop

HOW CAN I SEE THE CW "police deputy mcmuffin" AND KNOW EXACTLY WHO AND WHAT IT'S REFERRING TO?!

the fuck is with this universe?

was stuck behind someone up the shops that was taking ages sanitising her trolley and using the hand sanitiser and all that and my first thought wasn't "oh, it's good people are actually taking this seriously" like it should be and would have been at the start of all this

no, it was "oh come on, it's only a bit of plague"

2020 has ruined me

everything started looking lovely when a small yellow and black striped insect landed in my hand

I guess beauty really is in the eye of the bee holder

can y'all stop tooting for a couple of minutes so our poor beleaguered sidekiq can catch up pls

BEES ARE GOOD
BEES ARE GOOD

ALL OF THESE BEES ARE GOOD