maple "mavica" syrup [6502] @mavica_again@computerfairi.es

what happens now

if your votes on someone's poll won't save does that mean they've muted you

for being so suicidal online i sure don't even have any self harm scars to show for it. no wonder nobody will ever take me seriously

reaching out doesn't do anything. support structures don't exist. everybody will do the bare minimum to make sure you'll just be someone else's problem until you're nobody else's problem. you are alone. give up

i'm not lucky enough to have friends

i'm just asking is it just the url or am i really that big a piece of shit

would i be getting more questions if i were using curiouscat instead of retrospring because every time i post my retrospring link nobody gives a shit and every time my mutuals post their curiouscat links they get flooded with questions

i don't have friends i don't have anywhere to go all i have are suicide threats to get a few people to have a shred of care about me because they're too busy elsewhere the rest of the time to consider me a friend. i just want to never bother anyone ever again

i'm not furry enough to be part of the furry community. i'm not smart enough to be part of any retro tech community. i don't like stereotypes enough to be part of any trans community. i'm not good for anybody. my communities are not good enough to be anyone else's main home

please just tell me to kill myself and be over with all of this i will be doing you all a great favour

i don't know how to get people to talk to me anymore. i'm just a permanent fixture everybody expects to always be here but nobody cares enough to consider as a real person

i don't know how to make it any more clear. please. anyone. talk to me even if to tell me to kill myself and fuck off your life. the radio silence hurts more. you have my private contacts, you can dm me.

and watching everybody else have that online, every one of my mutuals be close-knit through places i'm not allowed in, hurts too much. i envy every single one of those interactions. does that make me toxic? good, less people to disappoint when i kill myself

i don't know how to make new friends anymore. i haven't made new friends or been part of communities since msn messenger. the last big ones i was forced to leave because of rape threats and harassment that went unmoderated. now i have no home on the internet and no friend circle

wouldn't*

i don't know what it feels like to have friends that aren't people i coerced into joining my communities because i would be allowed to join anyone else's. every time i mention this people go "oh that's so sad!" then nonchalantly walk away like i'm nuclear power plant waste

i don't want soft spoken words of empty comfort right now. i just want to be talked to normally like you're pretending i'm your friend. i want to feel for once like i have friends, not just people who put up with or around me. i want to feel what everyone else has always felt