Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

@noelle "If you'd just like to sit down Mr. President..."

"I HAD THE BIGGEST INAUGURATION CROWD IN HISTORY"

"...okay, you've already committed perjury once and we haven't even asked you any questions yet"

@noelle I'm sure that's the only reason that Trump's legal team don't want him to meet with Mueller, he's completely incapable of not lying

@natalie@masto.ninja does that mean that normal music can be considered nightcore remixes of vapourwave?

@andrew ISO3103 is bullshit, you don't ever put the milk in first and they should be ashamed of themselves for suggesting it

#mastoFeatureRequest

The bit where you write the about/more for an instance should accept markdown or something, updating a blocked instances list on there is more inconvenient than it probably could be

@maple oh bun, didn't you know that the power of my parent jokes are unstoppable?!

@maple hi maple syrup all lowercase!

@colon_three *peter hitting two bits of wood*

STAY JOINED TOGETHER YOU FUCKERS

@trashyfins@chomp.life no, bad dragon

@maple the word "moped" now only means that parody of German dance music legends SCOOTER to me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbKOnmIN0Tg

@softgoat not gonna lie, I'd totally go for those if I didn't have to buy 4 pairs

One's pronouns are they/them/their, dickwad

All these people still not getting the concept of singular "they" despite it being a thing since the 14th century

Let's bring back the royal "one" to really fuck with them

COLOSSUS! I CHOOSE YOU!

What are you talking about Wade?

@Jo I've been very tempted to get a proper heavy duty nail gun but I have a feeling I might go crazy with it and the entire house will just be things haphazardly nailed to other things

Calling it now, deadpool 3 is going to have pokemon references

@maple boop!

@maple 🎶 I say tomato and you say tomato
and wait a second this is text
it really doesn't work 🎶

@maple IT YOU! you're the personal digital assistant!