Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

found on amazon daily deals: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Philips-Stubble-Trimmer-Precise-Symmetrical/dp/B07CGZPKD9/?th=1

alien: FUCKING LASERS AGAIN?!?! GAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Burger King is of course trolling the fuck out of them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSiIv-J0mpo

Oh my god, this is brilliant, McDonalds has lost the "Big Mac" trademark in the EU

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/mcdonalds-big-mac-trademark-supermacs-eu-europe-ireland-a8728891.html

I really hope this is meant as a joke but unfortunately it's far too believable

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/235821

No matter how skewed you sense of taste gets when you have a cold or flu or something, pickled onions still taste properly like pickled onions

Complete lifesaver when you're utterly naffed off with food not tasting like food

ah yes, mensa, the organisation for people with high enough INT to get in, and low enough WIS to pay 50 quid a year for a newsletter

alien:...sorry, that outburst was unwarranted
human: no problem, get it all the time
alien: so I've seen you people put big slabs of stuff into a machine that cuts shapes from it, how does that work?
human:...
alien:... lasers again isn't it?
human:...yeah
alien: I swear to fucking god...

alien: how do you lot fix eye problems?
human: well, we either wear corrective lenses or use lasers to fix it permanently
alien: huh, neat, I've also seen these stripey labels on a lot of things, what are those?
human: oh, those are barcodes, they get read with lasers so computers can keep track of things
alien: okay... and these long glass strands you use for communications, how do those work?
human: well, we shine lasers down them...
alien: WHAT THE FUCK IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE AND LASERS?!

y'know, technically Jimmy Carter could stand for president again, would make him the second us president to serve non-consecutive terms

wouldn't be the most crazy thing that's happened in politics recently

he's a very good cat though

Reggie (the cat) is definitely moving in, he's started being picky about his food and is meowing his displeasure if he gets something he isn't 100% fond of

https://social.quodverum.com

For fairly obvious reasons

Also they ban discussion of "the overthrow of the government of the US", I mean, seriously, what the hell's left to talk about if you ban that?

Now, if the trophy was a really fancy one of these then I'd fully understand, but it's not, the trophy for the superbowl is an elongated spheroid on a stick

I've just learned that the trophy for winning the superbowl isn't a bowl

I thought you got like, a really good bowl for winning

Probably something really blingy

Why's it called a bowl?

I'm reliably informed that we're nearing the weekend where we celebrate superb owls

owls are good

previous toot USA-localised:

*crinkly potato snack bag sounds*

that's a chiptune

*oblong potato frying sounds*

that's a chiptune

I'm at that stage where it feels like I'm drowning in phlegm

You wouldn't have thought it was possible for an octopus to feel like they're drowning in something but here I am, proving the impossible possible once again

Well, Finland's winning Eurovision this year, they've managed to get Darude to do it