Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

oh, everyone remember to order in some rum, it's the 50th anniversary of black tot day next week

(the Royal Navy issued all sailors a daily rum ration up until the 31st of July 1970, the rum ration was called a "tot", and the day of the final rum ration was called "Black Tot Day")

dessert mustard

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTIdjXVYTIk

1: bikini bottom is at the bottom of the ocean

2: bikini bottom appears to have most if not all the properties of a nation

therefore the "deep state" is bikini bottom

if the apple thing for your wrist is a watch then an iphone is a pocketwatch

felix (one of our fully grown and not at all small cats) was sitting down on the path

a hedgehog wandered up to him

felix then proceeded to run away as quickly as his little legs could carry him

the hedgehog looked confused for a second and continued to trundle along

pro cooking tip: when a recipe calls for "mace" they mean the spice made from the seed covering of nutmeg, not tear gas

did someone bookmark my toot about sped up moon landing footage being brilliant and boost it today for the anniversary of apollo 11 or did it just resurface naturally?

let me get this straight, a bunch of baby witches decided to try to put a hex on the moon

but before that, they had the great idea of TRYING TO PUT A HEX ON THE FAE?!

THE ENTITIES WITH CENTURIES OF FOLKLORE DETAILING PRECISELY WHY ONE SHOULD NOT FUCK WITH THEM?!

I'M ENTIRELY AGNOSTIC ABOUT THE IDEA OF MAGIC AND THE EXISTENCE OF THE FAE AND EVEN I THINK THAT'S A FUCKING TERRIBLE IDEA

"what ancient knowledge can you pass on to us?"
"I dunno, how to wire a plug?"

You always think of immortals as being old ancient people who have been around for centuries, with or without eternal youth

It would totally suck to be a new immortal

"I'm immortal"
"OH MY GOD! TELL ME ALL ABOUT CLEOPATRA!"
"dude, I'm 40, immortal, still just 40"

people say hedgehogs eat slugs and help keep the garden tidy

they do not

at all

🦔

my front yard is covered in servers running hypervisors

it's a xen garden

you should always cover your crystal ball when not in use

"oh, because of spirits?"

what? no, it's basically a giant magnifying glass, if the sun hits it it'll burn your house down

I've just realised that I've used the phrase "looks like" or "resembles" in a couple of image alt texts

that's... probably less useful than it could have been in retrospect

oh look, it's @cypnk but in moth caterpillar form!

has anyone started selling facemasks with little screens on yet?

could display like smiley mouth, angry mouth, socialist teeth, etc.

the scene in the john wick films that gets picked apart most is the one in the subway where wick and what's his face plink at each other with suppressed pistols and nobody bats an eye

"it's so unrealistic! suppressors don't work that way!" they say

people do though

in a world with super well trained assassins taking each other out here there and everywhere shit like that must happen all the time

all the people there are just thinking "fuckin' tuesdays" and ignoring it