Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

who came up with the idea of adding salt to food anyway?

"we should put some of that rock on our dinner"

"you what mate?"

"mmm, tasty rock"

those past couple of toots I made were so bad they were literally freezing up my phone

if you put a G10 on a Vostok it's called a Warsaw Pact strap

I just saw someone refer to a badge wearing all the multicam and brandishing a shotgun as "duck dynasty cosplay" and I can't even

my mother: isn't weird when you eat mushrooms and your mouth goes all tingly

us: ...you what?

my mother: some mushrooms, they make your mouth go all tingly and pins and needles-y and really uncomfortable don't they? not all of them, just some of them

me: ...okay, so today we learned you're allergic to some mushrooms

Under UK law all sturgeon found in UK waters belong to the queen

Which is why the leader of the Scottish National Party avoids going swimming

putting cheese on a burger is like, the final insult to a cow

oh god no

MOVIE NIGHT

We're watching UHF on the computerfairi.es discord in like, 10ish minutes from this toot!

https://discord.gg/cwn6byK

onlysans

orks who have heard that camouflage is effective and consists of painting foliage designs on your kit but they haven't quite thought it through and end up driving around with giant colourful daisies stencilled on everything

being orks this still somehow works

bunthulhu

for a group reputed to be as quiet as the freemasons are they really seem to love their random crap with logos on

pocketwatches? slap masonic stuff on there, badges? slap masonic stuff on there, lighters? slap masonic stuff on there, jewellery? you betcha, masonic stuff

just saw no less than two people up the supermarket wearing their mask with their noses out

they annoyed me far more than all the people not wearing masks at all (it's not compulsory here yet)

like, fine, if you don't wear a mask you're a twat

but wearing a mask wrong? that's just half-arsing it and that I CAN NOT ABIDE DO IT PROPERLY OR NOT AT ALL YOU AGE'D FUCK

oh, everyone remember to order in some rum, it's the 50th anniversary of black tot day next week

(the Royal Navy issued all sailors a daily rum ration up until the 31st of July 1970, the rum ration was called a "tot", and the day of the final rum ration was called "Black Tot Day")

dessert mustard

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTIdjXVYTIk

1: bikini bottom is at the bottom of the ocean

2: bikini bottom appears to have most if not all the properties of a nation

therefore the "deep state" is bikini bottom