Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

I am now full of chutneys, pickles, salami, and bread

@Elizafox Oh yeah, since you're Emperor now people'll be sending you petitions

Upside, you can issue edicts now!

Petition to @Elizafox Emperor of the US and Protector of Mexico

Whereas, the Web in its current state is barely usable on low-spec hardware, slow data connections, and low bandwidth caps

Understanding, that web developers seem unaware of the problem due to having good connections and high-end machines

Proposes, that all web developers are to have their Macbook Pros replaced by Raspberry Pi Zeroes and their WiFi with 56kbps modems until such time that they learn how to optimise their shit

Doesn't help that "masculinity" and "femininity" are such poorly-defined concepts

Humanity, if you're going to create a social construct it wouldn't kill you to document that shit properly for those of us who turned up late to the party

Okay, so, I generally reevaluate my starting assumptions every so often

One of the things I was double-checking this time around was "What gender are you"

My usual answer is "A bloke I guess, haven't thought about it", which isn't really an answer but more of a "dunno"

So, after research (which may have included googling "just what is this gender shit anyway") and a reasonable amount of introspection, looks like I may be classified closer to non-binary

So, uh, that may be a thing

*someone sends me something*
Them: Can you sign this for me and send it back please?
*signs with pgp key, emails it back*
Them: I meant with a pen you nerd motherfucker

In retrospect, emoji were probably a bad idea

Happy Rampant Consumerism Day everyone

Seriously, I have like, 100+ feet of paracord lying around and no fucking idea why I have it or when it appeared

Shopping bags not TACTICOOL enough for you?

Try the new OctoTac Elite Grocery Carrier, with 24 feet of paracord!

Alternatively, this is what happens when I'm bored, find some bag handles uncomfortable, and remember I have an obscene amount of cordage in a cupboard for some reason

are we back on oats now?

Fuck printers

That is all

Scores:
42% male
33% feminine

Result: undifferentiated-androgynous

If I were the type to put much stock in online personality tests I'd say that might explain a fair bit

Considering the conduct of some people on the timeline, it may be worthwhile applying scotchguard to the squirrel

After doing research I've found that there is no campaign like that (thankfully) but "White Friday" is a thing in the Middle East which is a cynical rip-off of black friday amended for the local market

I wonder if any idiot racists have decried the existence of Black Friday and demanded a similar "White Friday"

Just appalling safety standards on this railway