Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

headbutts from cats are the best

they're just like "*BOOF* friend"

computerfairi.es: we don't forget to do stuff to our certificates!

well, we haven't yet anyway, give us time

steampunk @maple

probably the only time steam coming out of maple's ears is a good thing

I really, really want, in one of these baking contest shows, for one of the contestants to make a cake in the shape of the President of France instead of macarons

"Uh... yeah, misheard you, sorry"

egg verbis

I have one very important thing to say about the new PhilosophyTube video:

PHWOAR

y'know, if he didn't want to do any more taken sequels he could have just said "no"

wasn't any need to bring THAT out in an interview

found on amazon daily deals: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Philips-Stubble-Trimmer-Precise-Symmetrical/dp/B07CGZPKD9/?th=1

alien: FUCKING LASERS AGAIN?!?! GAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Burger King is of course trolling the fuck out of them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSiIv-J0mpo

Oh my god, this is brilliant, McDonalds has lost the "Big Mac" trademark in the EU

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/mcdonalds-big-mac-trademark-supermacs-eu-europe-ireland-a8728891.html

I really hope this is meant as a joke but unfortunately it's far too believable

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/235821

No matter how skewed you sense of taste gets when you have a cold or flu or something, pickled onions still taste properly like pickled onions

Complete lifesaver when you're utterly naffed off with food not tasting like food

ah yes, mensa, the organisation for people with high enough INT to get in, and low enough WIS to pay 50 quid a year for a newsletter

alien:...sorry, that outburst was unwarranted
human: no problem, get it all the time
alien: so I've seen you people put big slabs of stuff into a machine that cuts shapes from it, how does that work?
human:...
alien:... lasers again isn't it?
human:...yeah
alien: I swear to fucking god...

alien: how do you lot fix eye problems?
human: well, we either wear corrective lenses or use lasers to fix it permanently
alien: huh, neat, I've also seen these stripey labels on a lot of things, what are those?
human: oh, those are barcodes, they get read with lasers so computers can keep track of things
alien: okay... and these long glass strands you use for communications, how do those work?
human: well, we shine lasers down them...
alien: WHAT THE FUCK IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE AND LASERS?!

y'know, technically Jimmy Carter could stand for president again, would make him the second us president to serve non-consecutive terms

wouldn't be the most crazy thing that's happened in politics recently

he's a very good cat though

Reggie (the cat) is definitely moving in, he's started being picky about his food and is meowing his displeasure if he gets something he isn't 100% fond of