Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

@mavica waking up in the morning like *sounds like the sega mega drive boot sound* MA-VI

aldi are selling little mesh ditty bags for 25p each

they're by the fruit and veg and are meant as "reusable fruit and veg bags" apparently but they're ditty bags in all but name, might be quite useful

Best way to deal with someone flashing a rolex about and trying to "flex" as I believe the kids say is to walk up to them and say "hey dude(it's always a dude), nice invicta"

drives them up the damn wall

wonder if I can take a bunch of measurements and someone could make me a facemask that adequately fits my massive schnozz

gender reveal parties for genderfluid people

like 24/7 partying with gender updates every so often

9 out of 10 dentists agree, yeet the rich

"so what's going on in the fediverse right now?"

...socialist...teeth...?

a portmanteau of "ska punk" is "skunk"

an all-skunk ska punk band

Opossums eating bananas

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRIVTEBaLkA

That is all.

it's been however many months and I STILL can't easily acquire a facemask covered in cute little cartoon plague doctors

me, as an army officer:

"we've noticed you're requisitioning a tank for every single operation you're on, despite none of those operations even remotely requiring a tank"

"yep"

"...why?"

"tanks have kettles built in"

"...YOU'RE USING SEVERAL MILLION POUNDS WORTH OF MILITARY HARDWARE JUST SO YOU CAN HAVE A CUP OF TEA?!?"

"yes."

🦔

WD-40 is not a lubricant

personal or otherwise

corcore

which is cockney aesthetic

corecore

having a 2600 emulator and ET on your mobile for when little kids ask you "do you have games on your phone?"

rgb lighting on a typewriter

it went from "ooh, look at my shiny watch that has "true seconds", only proper watchmakers can do that so it's dead fancy" to "oh, is that a cheap quartz? NO! IT'S DIFFERENT DAMNIT" in the space of like, five minutes