Millie @Atatra@computerfairi.es

Having some awful, painful self hating thoughts about my body and other people's desires for me going around in my head, brought ln by jealousy because people can't stop bragging about their sex lives and the kinks they enjoy and how happy they are posting pictures of themselves in lingerie and I'm not allowed any of that, but I think I'll spare everyone the specifics

Maybe I just need to start taking and posting nudes again for attention

and i'm back to desperately wanting intimacy and to be collared and please just anything, i want to stop feeling so stunted and undesirable, tonight is not a great one emotionally

coming to the startling realisation based on the body type of said individual in my dream that the ideal body type of a domme/top i keep dreaming of is essentially femme rugby player, and realizing that perhaps growing up surrounded by female rugby players at the club our family frequented may have shaped my burgeoning sexuality.....

Listen, when I have an extremely vivid dream about being pampered and played with by a big woman with a purple jelly strapon and the dream ends with it in my mouth about to ride it, yeah I'm going to be jealous and cranky and yearning all day, what can you do

Love to have a dream where I finally have a top and just as we're halfway through getting ready for it I wake up and it's all gone and I have to remember that it's never going to be real

well, that's my headache back in full force