Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

@Jo he went off on a senior's holiday after the second death star blew up and now he's returned to try and find out where to pay the littering fines for leaving big bits of space station everywhere

When the hedgehogs have eaten all their food they try to shove the plates out of the cafe so I know to put some more out for them

I'm not sure if I trained the hedgehogs or the hedgehogs trained me in this instance

Huey Lewis and some stuff I heard from Steve down the pub who knows for sure

@Irina@monsterprom.space he's not even actually a cop

he's a security guard with pretensions

(really, he works as a jail guard)

@Jo if scrotums are so good why isn't there a scrotum 2?

@maple worm in a scarf

warm worm

@evie obviously you should rotate the potates

[spin]potate[/spin]

What's said: proper crop rotation techniques can greatly increase farming yields of Solanum tuberosum

What I hear: rotate the potate

@maple it is a fantastic and useful toot

"hi friens"

Ahead of Trump's state visit to the UK protesters have vowed to make the trip "as unpleasant as possible"

Interestingly "as unpleasant as possible" is also the slogan for the UK Tourist Board

Shameless plug, but if you want more formatting for your toots computerfairi.es supports bbcode!

We've got [b]BOLD[/b]
[i]italics[/i]
[color=orange]colours![/color]
and lots of other stuff!

The only blue lives that matter are those of our agrarian comrades, the smurfs

@Gargron that'd be silly

just give us bbcode and we'll be on our way

@Jo https://socialnetwork.ninja/@jim/101961515621791800

"keeping order in a jail"

okay, maybe "prison officer" is more accurate but he's still a security guard

@Jo bahahahahaha he's not even a real cop!

he's a security guard!

@maple possibly dangerous to any nearby cups of coffee

@maple *ruffles maple cheeks*

oooh, fluff!