Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

the more I see of linux techtips the more I want him to be nowhere near anything that uses electricity

The Battlefield V reveal trailer has, as a featured character, a badass british sniper lady with a prosthetic arm that kills a nazi with a cricket bat wrapped in razor wire

THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME

People who loved Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality for its rational take on the Harry Potter universe will love my new trilogy of fanfic that details what would actually happen in a reasonable world;

"Hogwarts fails an Ofsted inspection", "Hogwarts gets shut down by the Health and Safety Executive", and "Oh yeah, voldy turned up again and we took him out with a drone strike"

A calzone is just an Italian pasty

"Whisperings in Westminster tell me that both parties are about to change their Brexit strategies"

https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/brexit-theresa-may-leadership-contest-irish-border-eu-european-economic-area-a8361846.html

...they have strategies?

9 out of 10 dentists agree: the tenth is a contrarian dick

another good one I've heard:

He's making a list

He's checking it twice

He's gonna find out who's naughty or nice

Santa Claus is in contravention of article 5 of the General Data Protection Regulation (EU) 2016/679

I keep asking around for a decent GDPR consultant

Everyone I've asked said they know a great one but none of them'll give me their phone number

Vikings never wore helmets with horns on

But if they'd thought of the idea they totally would have when they were on the lash

One day a self-defence expert was asked "what should I do if I don't have any weapons and someone attacks me?"

He answered "I dunno, hit 'em with a pen or something"

And thus ridiculous bullshit like this was brought into the world: http://www.mecarmy.com/product/details/80/156

You may not be able to nail jelly to a wall, but it seems you can make a kitchen knife out of it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oadf4KNYz-I

all you need is:

"do you?"
"yeah"
"do you?"
"yep"
"sign here, you're hitched"