Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

I was very disappointed to learn that a "yacht club" was for owners of boats, and not a club for the boats to shittalk their owners together

all smol mammals are good

especially hedgehogs and bunnies and squirrels

am I considering buying a switch as a three hundred quid animal crossing machine?

yes

yes I am

well shit, looks like I might be saving up for a switch

Fun fact: the can opener was invented over 4 decades after the idea of preserving food in cans

"Hey, I've come up with a revolutionary way of preserving food!"
"That sounds hella cool!"
"Yeah, you just put it in one of these cans!"
"How do you get it out again?"
"Uhh... shit"

Even if the new Gorillaz track wasn't meant as trans, it's trans now

please do not shoot the hurricane

the hurricane will catch the bullets and fling them back in your general direction

no trying to stab the hurricane either

yelling at it is fine so long as you're at a safe distance

someone me dad works with saw the hedgehog cafe and loved it

so I built another one for them

Little bits and pieces that have remained in my usual parlance because of using various comms systems a while ago:

"CHECK CHECK CHECK" - SHUT THE FUCK UP ON COMMS YOU NEED TO HEAR THIS

"sorry, say again?" - could you repeat that please

"tak" - a dash

"it can take your pulse!"

yeah, or you can use any watch, put some fingers on your neck and count the beats for 15 seconds

It's not fucking hard

A watch that needs charging every 24 hours is still a fucking stupid idea no matter how shiny you make it

Ah, welcome Hiveway 2.0!

tri.cash

Let's see how long they last

*psst* hey... you want some of them... counterfeit genders?

Blanket octopus blanket review:

Needed an outdoorsy blanket, got one of them snugpak jungle blankets, blanket is warm and toasty while not being too heavy and bulky

10/10

love and support your local critters

Roses are red
Violets are blue
This line doesn't rhyme
And neither does this one

Just got a call from one of those tech support scammers (they're pretending to be from OpenReach now)

"Can you press the windows key and r please"
"I am but it's not doing anything"
"Can you press the start button?"
"I'm not seeing anything like that"
"When you look at the bottom left of your screen do you see a window?"
"Nope"
"Okay, go to hell"

I was going to play along and see if they cottoned on to this being a linux box but they cut it off early

Tempted to lean into the "I'm a goddamn wizard" thing

I mean, my solution to problems more often than not involves complicated incantations in strange languages known to few (bash scripts) and trawling through forgotten lore (forum posts from a decade ago about how to fix shit)

All I really need to add is a hat