Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

What's said: proper crop rotation techniques can greatly increase farming yields of Solanum tuberosum

What I hear: rotate the potate

"hi friens"

Ahead of Trump's state visit to the UK protesters have vowed to make the trip "as unpleasant as possible"

Interestingly "as unpleasant as possible" is also the slogan for the UK Tourist Board

Shameless plug, but if you want more formatting for your toots computerfairi.es supports bbcode!

We've got [b]BOLD[/b]
[i]italics[/i]
[color=orange]colours![/color]
and lots of other stuff!

The only blue lives that matter are those of our agrarian comrades, the smurfs

I'm really going to have to sort out some file storage in casa octopus at some point

I've already got 4.5 gigs of pictures of hedgehogs and it's not even been a month

Apparently the number of "Extinction Rebellion" arrests has reached 1,065

Have they tried like, not getting arrested?

I mean, shit, 1,000 people is more than enough to build some makeshift barriers that would be a bitch to move and would let them just leave it there and not stick around waiting to get nicked

Live in an area with hedgehogs and want to help them out?

I wrote a brief thing on how to make them more comfy in your garden

https://samtheoctopus.neocities.org/hedgehogs.txt

Moments in watchmaking

[interior, Rolex offices]
Boss: we need to add some sort of superlative-type adjective to "chronometer" on our watches to show that they exceed that certification, I want you to come up with one
Designer1: sure thing boss
[boss leaves the room]
Designer2: so, just slap "superlative" on the dial?
Designer1: fuck it, that'll do. lunch?

I don't know what a "petscop" is and at this point I'm almost afraid to ask

With spring officially sprung and all the hedgehogs coming out of hibernation I wrote a thing about how to help them out

https://samtheoctopus.neocities.org/hedgehogs.txt

Happy Easter to all my bun friends! 🎉

Also non-bun friends, but especially bun friends!

J. Robert Oppenheimer invented the "Atomic Martini"

According to bartending legend, he hid a bottle of Vermouth in the Trinity nuclear test, thereby ensuring that, when the device exploded, the particles of vermouth were spread across the atmosphere of Earth

The recipe for an Atomic Martini is to add gin to a glass, wave it outside for a bit so to add the correct amount of vermouth from the atmosphere, and then it's ready to drink

I'm just wondering when I get the singing voice

'cause at the moment I can't sing for shit

The other day when I was cleaning up after the hedgies (mucky lil buggers they are, spreading their food everywhere, but I love 'em) a pigeon came to the bird feeder right next to me for some food and to say hello

I think I'm turning into a disney princess

Mapple watch: like an apple watch but instead of siri it's @maple with a card catalogue