Harp the Wigglytuff @wigglytuffitout@computerfairi.es

@maidofclay "Pēdīcābō et irrumābō vos" almost looks dignified until somebody asks what it means, too

CATULLUS, EVERYBODY.

like i said. you can probably find that on youtube in the comment section lmfao

(cont'd)

In fact, my poems have real fire and flow,
sure, they're lovey and more than a little sexy -
they'll turn you on, and I don't mean in just horny teenagers,
but in those hairy old dudes that have to chug viagra the rest of the time.
Because you've read about my countless hookups, you think I ain't a man?
I'm gonna facefuck and assfuck you.

Pēdīcābō ego vōs et irrumābō, aka

I'm gonna facefuck and assfuck you,
Aurelius you twink and fuckboi Furius,
and all y'all who think that just 'cause my poems are lovey-dovey
that I should be ashamed of them.

Sure, a poet can be all straight edge and uptight,
but his poems don't gotta be in any way. >

i actually have enormous fondness for catullus 16 not because i think it's good poetry, but because it's that type of delightful moment of history i love so much where you just go "look! humans is the same!"

if you translate it into more modern vernacular honestly it would read exactly like an angry youtube comment

oh god now i just imagined a big dramatic boss fight with an ominous chorus chanting latin in the back except it's catullus 16 and i'm fucking dying. how do i get in contact with whoever writes and produces devil may cry, i feel like they need to do that

note: this is catullus 16. it is nsfw https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catullus_16

@LANthus if you poke any given word you can probably hear william whittaker's words sobbing in absolute horror

especially because machine translating latin will pull your vocab from Every Fucking Place, which means you get into the wild and wacky world of "if you put this back in the oven for another couple hundred years it'll be italian lol" medieval latin

anyway we all know the true stylish way to do it is to just use latin poetry verbatim, specifically catullus 16

@LANthus i don't even soulsborne lore but also it might be good to note that one of the reasons it's gibberish is because

latin suffers so badly as a language with machine translation. all-case-endings no-word-order is something that google translate just throws its hands up and gives up over.

so it may very well be that there was meaning intended at some point in there! but oh boy good luck figuring that one the fuck out after google's dined on it

spoonie culture is taking selfies in the waiting room

cw for selfie, eye contact, snapchat filter that put a butterfly on my head

listen in my defense, look at this shit

i don't wanna get out in this fuckery, do YOU?

at least i can coordinate around my cute umbrella i guess grumble grumble hiss groan

@gnarlyanimal@snouts.online oh, i think the original was "how to talk to short people"

e.g. just look down, don't do the weird squat like they're a little kid

my schedule says "you gotta get up and get ready for your doctor's appointment"

the weather says "stay inside and play splatoon forever"

@lynnesbian see also regional variants of the Techbroius Fuckboii:

T. Fuckboii, s. Macintoshii - "well you wouldn't be having this problem if you used apple like i do. they don't get viruses you know"

T. Fuckboii, s. Linuxus - "this is why you should just run linux! what do you mean you need accessibility and documentation? if you don't know how to do that you just shouldn't use computers, ugh!"

@lynnesbian ah yes, the wild techbro

"technology isn't for using or understanding! it's for lording over people and feeling really smug all the time. what's that? helping someone? why would i help anyone? i'm here to feel superior!"

@maple a carrot cake muffin but with pecans instead of walnuts because walnuts are trash tier nuts and i will defend this stance until my grave.

also with cream cheese icing but with like a caramel swirl or some shit on top too where they do the like kinda marbled design where you drag a toothpick through it? yeah

@InspectorCaracal peanut butter and banana milkshake.

oh man that seems like a cool game but i know like. three people? on here

...fuckit, new game i can do

reply and i will randomly assign you a dessert and/or dish of food that i think suits you based off of glancing at your profile