Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

@sydneyfalk lower effort version:

person: their juhst tooools!

me: you're a tool

me: gottem

@Irina@monsterprom.space @Gargron @quantified@cybre.space again, he's not a cop

he wishes he was a cop, but he's not one

don't give in to his pathetic rent a cop ass pile of garbage delusions of grandeur

that being said, yeah location data on posts is a fucking terrible idea and exactly what the cops would want

@maple @LaserScheme going in interesting new directions with ASMR

@maple I love maple doodles so much!

@maple ah, the "pet the maple" alarm!

@maple *takes maple off silent mode*

@maple @Violet at least at some point there were competitive mobile phone throwing competitions

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mobile_phone_throwing

Nokia 3310s were the favourites IIRC

@Jo OH! I think that one is meant to be for making sure you don't lose your chuck key!

I'm forever wandering around the shed wondering "where the hell did I put the chuck key for this thing" and putting it in the chuck like that when you're not using it might be an idea to prevent that

This is your reminder that Leon Trotsky looked just like Jean Ralphio from Parks and Rec

"Stalin is the wooo-ooorst!!!!"

@Jo he went off on a senior's holiday after the second death star blew up and now he's returned to try and find out where to pay the littering fines for leaving big bits of space station everywhere

When the hedgehogs have eaten all their food they try to shove the plates out of the cafe so I know to put some more out for them

I'm not sure if I trained the hedgehogs or the hedgehogs trained me in this instance

Huey Lewis and some stuff I heard from Steve down the pub who knows for sure

@Irina@monsterprom.space he's not even actually a cop

he's a security guard with pretensions

(really, he works as a jail guard)

@Jo if scrotums are so good why isn't there a scrotum 2?

@maple worm in a scarf

warm worm

@evie obviously you should rotate the potates