Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

Not content with taking over every other industry, robots are coming for the stripping jobs

https://twitter.com/TaylorLorenz/status/950587082388406272

Basically variations on this are why I shouldn't ever look at what's on aliexpress

If I had the money just about everyone I know would be receiving shipping containers of increasingly strange things

Me: Hello $bank, I'd like a loan of $largeSumOfMoney please

Bank: Why do you want the loan?

Me: I want to send a shipping container full of implausibly large squirrel plushies to a squirrel just to see the inevitably hilarious look on her face when it arrives

Bank: no.

Hm... it's inflatable rather than a plushie but I'm sure it could be filled with polyfill

@squirrel, I think my mission is complete https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/3M-Pvc-Giant-Inflatable-Squirrel-Outside_60551132976.html?

Yes, that's a 3 metre tall inflatable squirrel

LB: It's true!

Damn, I've run out of my fancy nice deodorant

Unfortunately it's $expensive a stick so it might be a while until I get more in

Bloody "whatever's on offer in the supermarket" until then

Hang on a sec, with that Trump tweet where he said he had a "bigger nuclear button than DPRK" I've had a sudden realisation

Nukes aren't fired like that. To order the nukes to be fired it's effectively just the President making a phone call. There's no big red button involved

So either Trump is speaking metaphorically (unlikely), or his aides have just gone to Staples, bought an "EASY" button and told him it fires the nukes

I feel slightly safer now

@squirrel Or it goes to a BBS hosted on a Commodore PET or something

pet.maple.pet should go to a page with a big "PET" button

When pressed it should activate a big robotic hand that gently pets the @squirrel

It's 2 months, 24 days until Easter

But it's after Christmas, so of course all the supermarkets are filled with hot cross buns

For clarity those are the spiced, sweet, bread type of buns what are eaten around Easter and not hordes of warm, slightly annoyed @squirrel s

Bloody hell H&M

I'm sure this wasn't intentional but you should have bloody noticed

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/42603960/hm-apologises-over-racist-image-of-black-boy-in-hoodie

What?
lurghi is evolving!

Congratulations! Your lurghi evolved into actually a bit ill!

bleh

I could have gone for the world record for shortest ceremony

"Oi, you, you, yer 'itched, 'ave fun"

But nooooooo, apparently Discordianism isn't a "proper" religion

The British government are such killjoys

Not letting me go around officiating weddings

I'm an official POPE goddamnit, I should be allowed to officiate weddings