Sam the Octopus @troubleMoney@computerfairi.es

Happy Ed Balls Day everyone!

I just saw, for the first time, some of this... thing called "Mountain Dew" poured into a glass

It's radioactive green with a viscosity that suggests a ridiculous amount of HFCS

WHAT THE FUCK!? PEOPLE DRINK THAT?! THIS IS A JOKE YOU'VE ALL BEEN PLAYING ON US RIGHT!?

To the tune of DJ Ötzi - Hey Baby:

HEY HEY DONALD!
(Uhh, Ahh)
WE WANNA KNOW
WHY YOU'RE SUCH A CUNT

Goes a bit like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRFTi-driRc

Trump is visiting the UK

Not only is he arriving on a Friday the 13th when there's a solar eclipse, but he's also arriving on the opening night of "The Muppets take over The O2"

I'd contend that a bunch of muppets took over earlier than that, but that's one hell of a confluence of events

So, looks like Trump's finally plucked up enough courage to visit the UK

He'll apparently be arriving on friday the 13th of July

Luckily it's not a state visit so we won't have to wash the piss stains out of the Palace's bedding

Speaking of bringing back archaic parts of languages, I've just realised that I completely unironically used the word "thee" earlier

TSB Online Banking is still having issues where half of their customers can't log in

They pushed an upgrade on a Friday

You don't push upgrades on a Friday

Very sad news, Pita hasn't been well so we took him up the vet, they did tests and it turns out he has cancer

He's got maybe a couple of weeks left so we're going to be giving him all the cuddles and all his favourite foods until the time comes

.

SQL is pronounced "squirrel"

...

MySQL

Apparently the Royal family have dropped another sprog

There's going to be fuck all else in the news for the next couple of days

Someone (I believe it was @vantablack) brought up Polari earlier

If you're not familiar with it, it sounds like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8yEH8TZUsk

Got me thinking we should totally bring that back, or at least a similar cant

Can someone send a mechanic to Anthony Hopkins' place? I think he's broke

https://twitter.com/anthonyhopkins/status/988087131938742273?s=21